Death and Lights

My excuse for not being more diligent in blogging is the fact that we don't have a table. Or a desk. We just have the floor. Do you know how much your butt starts hurting after sitting on the floor/mattresses to accomplish all your computer tasks? The answer is a lot. I'm hoping this week we'll buy some junky top with legs. And no, that's not a prostitute joke.

Yes, we found an apartment.

Yep, I'm too lazy to rotate the picture of the hallway. Deal with it.

The inside is newly remodeled; new carpet, flooring, paint, doors, fixtures. In making it look nice they forgot to also update the kitchen, so sometimes I feel like I should be looking for the Beav. It's a one bedroom, and kind of far from work, but Mitch and I were so desperate to get a decent place we said "yes please" on the spot. Mitch sleeps out in the front room and I get the massive back room. Right now there is only my lonely mattress on the floor with my random stuff strewn across the floor. I would clean it up, but then the room would look even bigger.

The first two nights we slept on the floor. Thankfully, we have been uber blessed to know a family that I met in Georgia who are up here on base. They hooked us up with some great stuff and helped moved our mattresses from the store to our abode. We also got to go over there for Easter dinner and play with their kids. Knowing people is a really great thing and I highly recommend it. Unless you know them and they want to kill you. I'd avoid that.

I am getting a little ahead of myself. The very first Friday we were here, we found out that my grandmother passed away. I wasn't surprised because she was extremely sick with cancer and it was only a matter of time. Thankfully, like 2 weeks before I went to Alaska I went with my mom and aunt to go see her and I'm so grateful that I did.

My grandfather had died 12 years previously, so besides being happy that she didn't have to suffer anymore, we also had the wonderful assurance that she was with him again. I made her funeral program and listed her progenitors. She had 8 kids and with the addition of their spouses, grandchildren, grandchildren-in-law (is that even a phrase?) and great grandchildren, there are exactly 100 people. That is a legacy. She is a very stubborn lady and was uncompromising when it came to the gospel. She is also full of love and kindness for others. I'm excited to see her when she'll be free of mortal disease and aches.

One story that was told at the funeral that was then related to me goes as following:

The stake president had brought his young son to the ground breaking of the Phoenix LDS temple. He was upset because he was missing his soccer game. The father was trying to calm him down, when up walks my grandma. She asked him what was wrong and gave him some kind words. During the ceremony, she turned to him and said "I don't think you're going to make it to that soccer game, they're taking a long time to do all their talking." After, she told him she knew he was sad he didn't get to go to his soccer game, but that being there was so much more important. This was just one example of countless incidents where she showed her faith - even when it wasn't the most exciting place to be, she was always where she was supposed to be.

A few days after we found out about my grandma, we were told that my 7 year old Golden Retriever dog, Captain Jack Sparrow, had to be put down because of cancer.

Cancer sucks. I'm still pissed about his death.

However, about a month ago I read a sweet story about a boy who had to put down his dog and when his parents or the vet weren't able to answer why his beloved friend had such a short life here, he sat down and pondered the question himself. He then told them that if the purpose of life is to love others, that dogs perfect that principle quickly and don't need as much time on earth to figure it out.

It's hard to explain to someone who has never had a beloved animal, but if you have, then you know how true this little boy's statement was. If I was ever upset or crying, Captain would always find me and put his gentle head on my knee and I  knew that no matter how harsh the world was, Captain loved me without reservations.

I'm  going to move on now before I start bawling for the rest of the night.

Needless to say, we had a bit of a rough beginning. Despite that, I've had many reminders of God's love for me. One of those being the Northern Lights. I've only seen them one night, and it was about 15 degrees and 1 a.m., but it was one of the most beautiful displays of God's majesty that I've ever seen. Sure, science has figured out why they happen, but that doesn't make them less spectacular.

The auroras are one of those things that is impossible to describe or capture in a photograph. For me, it was like a visual representation of a celestial lullaby. They move and ripple like ribbons in water and do a ballet in the sky. See, told you it was hard to describe. Apparently they even make sounds and you can hear them if it's silent enough.

I'm hoping to still have some chances to see them before the sun stays out all night. I didn't know the best way to photograph them, but for you photo nerds out there, I left my aperture open for 30 seconds. I would have left it on longer, but I forgot my remote. Then again, if you leave it open for too long, your picture will probably just be a blur of colored clouds.

This coming September when they come on strong again and it gets dark enough, I'm hoping to go down to Denali and see and shoot them there.

This was my favorite picture. I probably took about 50. It kind of reminds me of the movie Hocus Pocus when the witches do something at the school and this green cloud comes streaming from the roof. Anyone else?

That's it for tonight. I don't want to bore you to tears (that was one of my grandma's sayings. She had a lot of them). Next time I'll write about the adventures in driving a 45 foot bus. Oh, and I signed up on Twitter @ElissaGator in case you were getting ulcers waiting for me to jump into another social networking pit.

Gina's Wedding

Oh. My. Word. I just got back from the last wedding of the season. It was for my cousin, Gina. She got married in the LDS Oquirrh Mountain, Utah Temple. And it didn't snow then either. That makes 4 winter weddings I went to and no snow. Oh well. I guess the brides were happy. In case you were concerned, I did not catch the bouquet. It went to a 10 year old. Just because she's not even old enough to date doesn't mean I'm bitter...

This whole reception was decorated and thought of by my amazingly talented aunt and her friend. Our family also did all the food. We can crank out some serious food.

Here is a video of Gina seeing it decorated for the first time. Then you can scroll down and see all the snap shots and descriptions and tragic stories about elephants at weddings.

Unfortunately, these pictures don't even begin to convey the beauty of the reception. Maybe once the professional photographer gets her pictures up I will post a link.

The centerpieces were chandeliers my aunt bought on ebay on top of glass bowls or vases, which were on top of doilies, which was on top of a gray quilted square (that my other aunt made from old suit coats). On top of the square were more doilies, antique teacups filled with various flowers and sugared fruit. 

While we were up at the temple, my aunt's friends were busy finishing up the decorating. Someone had left a burner on in the kitchen, and then someone had put a plastic box on top of it. Needless to say it caught on fire. When my aunt asked if they had called 911, the friend said "No way! If they came in here and saw all the cords for the chandeliers running all over the place they would for sure shut us down!" Thankfully, the fire was contained and only a plastic box was harmed. As well as someone's pride, I'm sure. 

The above is the sign-in table. It's an old yellow-paged piano book with classical songs in it. The bride's sister then glued blank pages every other page with pictures of the couple. I wrote a haiku. The silver tree was done by another aunt spray painting about 20 large branches for her son's November wedding. We reuse when we can. 

As guests left, they got to fill up a box with homemade mini cookies that were in decorated jars. More doilies as well as stuffed birds were accented throughout the room (do you see Hedwig?).

Old chairs were in corners for people to sit and enjoy the reception, or look at some of the many black and white old framed pictures. Notice the silver platters on the wall or the black feathered wreath? Someone said this reception could have made for great "I Spy" pictures. And that's my grandma in case you were wondering. 

The hot chocolate stop - with hazelnut, vanilla and toffee syrups, marshmallows, crushed whoppers, crushed peppermint and cream. Most of the furniture my aunt already owned. She and her decorator friend would also go to DI (a thrift store in Utah) and pick up all sorts of antiques that they then displayed. 

No plastic china here. Antique plates were used to eat cake from (the most deliciously wedding cake I have ever tasted, I might add).

Speaking of cake, there the couple is cutting it. And a bird in the lower right hand corner. Dead, of course. 

The backdrop was made by tying different ribbon to a bar. Chandeliers were hung from the basketball hoop. They also had rugs everywhere to make it feel more homey and less basketball-courtey. 

Because all the food was made by us from scratch, it was a delicious affair. You got a glass plate (they had an eclectic mix to choose from) and then picked up: a vegetable cup pre-arranged with ranch dressing and slices of veggies; colored shaped sandwiches with fillings like apricot bacon (YUM!), pimento cheese or deviled ham; mini homemade cinnamon rolls; parfaits of chocolate and oreo, vanilla, wafer and banana, or vanilla, pound cake and raspberry in glass cups; raspberry frappes, and chex-mix in a bag. We had to wash all the glass plates and parfait glasses by hand. Thankfully I didn't volunteer for that job. 

And check out that beautiful centerpiece! They ordered flowers from Costco.com and had a friend who had had some experience with flowers do the arranging. Sadly, at the end of the night when everything was being packed back up the flowers froze because they were accidentally left outside for the night. 

 That's me, my mom and my sister Saundra. I'm surprised we didn't look more like zombies by the end of the night. 

And of course me and the bride. Isn't she just gorgeous? 


When they were setting up the reception, my uncle had to make 15 trips with his pick up to bring all the furniture, chandeliers, rugs, tree branches and other decorations to the church. The next day he had a brilliant idea to rent a UHaul truck. We filled it. 

Thankfully there were a lot of people there so clean up only took about 2 hours. To cover all the chandelier wires that ran from the tables to the outlets, someone used paper packing tape to secure them to the floor. Because of the nature of the tape, it didn't pull of cleanly so about 20 of us had to sit on the floor and slowly scrape away at the tape. It was a mess. 


At the end, we all agreed that it was a ton of work. I think I might just have a petting zoo for my reception and the people can eat the animal's food pellets. To make it even more fancy I'll even have an elephant so you can take your picture with the bride, groom and elephant.

Name That Movie

"Audrey, quick name the movie that this quote belongs to: "You're like my own personal brand of heroin."
 "I don't know."
"Seriously? Think about it."
"No, I really don't know."
"How about Twilight, when Edward is talking to Bella?"
"Oh. All I could think of was Ke$ha. You know, 'you're love is my drug.'"

Season's Greetings

The other day my sister and I were talking about seasons. It came up that she doesn't exactly have a firm grasp on the order of the seasons. She said "well I know when winter and summer are, but I get mixed up with the other two."

I said "Well if you know when those two are, the rest should fall into place. Spring comes after winter and before summer, and fall comes after summer and before winter."

She looked at me like I was an idiot and said "Yeah. That makes no sense whatsoever."

Hey, I tried.

Capitol "C" Crazy

My grandma came to live with us. She's 82 and is mostly deaf. When she came to live with us she was crazy with a capitol "C." And my parents were in Utah/Idaho dropping my brothers off to school. So I got to take care of crazy grandma.

It was the most adventurous three nights of my life.

The first night she wouldn't sleep in her room because she thought there was a man with his dog in there. Hours I slept: 6.

The second night I took her to the ER at midnight because of a blood sugar scare (she's a diabetic). When we were coming home I was playing the radio (because by then it was 3 a.m. and something had to keep me awake). There was a steady bass beat going and she looked concerned at me and said "Elissa, is that your heart? Are you okay?"  Hours I slept: 4.

The third night she thought she had to go to work, so she'd put on her purse and proceed to find an exit. It'd take her a couple of minutes to figure out how to unlock the door and then I'd re-lock it. She would look at me and say "what'd you do that for?" Then she'd wobble over to another door and the charade would start again. You'd think she'd get worn out and want to go to sleep. Nope. This went on all night until 3 a.m., when I called a family friend to come granny-watch before I joined her in the looney bin. Hours I slept: 3.

The day my parents came home I let her out into the front yard where she tried to open the door to the truck. When that didn't work, she started yelling at some imaginary person who was in the truck to open the door. When that didn't work, she got into the bed of the truck and sat there, ready to go to work. I then called my parents and asked them how much longer before they got home.

When my parents did get home, she introduced me to her son, who just so happens to be my father, who I just so happen to live with. And once my parents came home, she was no longer crazy.

Turns out she had a massive urinary tract infection which apparently makes older people go crazy. Once they get over the infection, they go back to just old-crazy, not capitol C crazy.

That was the beginning of September and I think it took me the rest of the month to screw my head back on. What did you do in September?

More grandma stories to come.

Dog Showers

My 13 year old brother, Tanner, just asked me "Do you think it's weird if you find a dog attractive?" I didn't have an answer for him.

The other night, after everyone had gone to bed and I was up wasting away my life watching TV, Tanner came down stairs with wet hair and a shocked look on his face.

"Elissa, why did I just take a shower?" It's 11:40 p.m. I start laughing. He asks me again. "Elissa, why did I just take a shower?"

I said "Did you really just take a shower?" He nods his head.

"I got up, took a shower and then saw that it was still dark. Why did I do that?" I told him that happens to lots of people, who think it's time to get up and get ready when it's still only 11:40 at night (although, oddly enough, I've actually never done that). He just kept looking at me, like someone had given him the David-after-the-dentist-drug. I asked if he wanted to go back to his room, but he said it was too creepy. So he snuggled up on the couch and I finished watching The Office.

*Update: After the awesome email I sent to a job offer, I find out the whole thing is a scam. Look at me, wasting my best words on a scam.

*And someone had asked what kind of dog Max is. He's a White German Shepherd.

*I also finished reading The Help. I loved it. Though, it did make me want a maid (I don't care what her race is). Is that bad? 

Just How Lost?

My sister is trying to get into a summer school P.E. program and my mom told her she needed her school transcripts.

Sister: "I thought I gave you the transcripts."
Mom: "No...you never did."
Sister: "Ugh! I hate keeping track of things. Why didn't you ask me for them last week when they were newly lost instead of today when they're really lost?"

Falling For You

Last night, I turned on my lap top and it was struggling something awful. It would not start up, but had error programs running endlessly. To no one in particular I exclaimed in utter frustration "what happened to you?"

My sister then came over and said "Uh, you're going to be really mad at me."
Me: "Why, what happened?"
Her: "Well, I kind of dropped it. But it didn't fall very far. Just from the couch to the floor [hardwood floor I might add]."
Me: "Seriously?"
My mom: "Why didn't you tell anyone?"
Her: "Well I'm telling you now. Besides, when it happened, only dad was home, and I obviously didn't want to tell him."

I ran diagnostic computer junk for like an hour before giving up. At least it made it to three years.

Apple of my Pie

My aunt wants to start a pie blog. All pie all the time. So she wants me to design it. Being the gracious person I am, I said yes. It gives me purpose in life.

The most important first step was coming up with a great name, which my sister actually thought of, "Apple of My Pie." But, that domain name is already taken, even though they haven't posted anything yet. And even though we could do .net or something, I didn't think it was a good idea unless we could have the .com. Other names were given, like "Princess and the Pie" or "Pie Politics," but she decided on "Pie Parade," (which just so happens to be a name I thought of. And an old Betty Crocker cook book -- didn't find that out until after).

Step two: design beautiful blog. Step one of step two is figuring out theme/banner/logo, because the rest of the blog design will fall into place. Yesterday we had a pie party so I could take lots of pictures. I really wanted to do a photo shoot resembling this banner (isn't it gorgeous?):

But ended up with this.

I knew mine wasn't going to turn out like that guy's, because he's a professional food photographer. But a girl can dream. I took some of my favorite elements from the shoot to create this collage, which reminds me a lot of my friend Melissa's floral inspiration boards -- thanks Melissa!

I really like the collage, I'm just not sure how I'll incorporate the name. Oh, woe to the little details. Here are some other photos; tell me what you think, or if you have a great idea for the blog banner/logo. My aunt and I were thinking the theme should be county fair/americana, with blues, reds and creams. And if you're in the area and we have another pie day, and you gave me a really good idea or led me to my future husband, I'll let you have some pie.

 Side view. Duh. 

Above: My mom and Aunt Quenta setting it all up. And my dog Captain chilling.

Fun fact, the pink quilt as the semi-back drop was made by my great great grandmother, the doily under the lemon pie was made by my grandmother and the picnic table was made by my father. And the trumpet, well that was just my brother's, but the fun fact about it is that there was $150 in a wallet in the trumpet case that my other brother had put there to "hide" like three years ago and we rediscovered it yesterday. You know your money is well hidden when even you forget where it is.

Because I Care

I felt the need to post two posts in a day to make up for the lack of posting recently.

My mom had told my younger brother (Tanner) to change the laundry. She had forgotten to turn on the dryer, so when Tanner went to put the wet clothes from the washer in the dryer, he found the dryer to already be full of wet clothes. Being the smart kid that he is, he took the wet clothes out of the dryer, put them on top of the dryer, and put the other wet load in. Who said you couldn't kill any birds with 3 stones?

Also, I just found this site that has caused uncontrollable fits of hysteria (so much so that my dad who is concentrating on something of obvious importance told me "that's enough Elissa."). It's called (and excuse the language) "Shit My Students Write." I've included a couple of fine samples below, complete with titles/captions given to the selections (not of my doing):

Hot Potato
The potato literally encouraged the Irish to overbreed.


Never Forget
Was it the Revolutionary War or the Civil War that the Japanese dropped the atomic bomb on Pearl Harbor?

He Always Did Prefer Thighs and Drumsticks
Indians, the other dark meat, were saved from extinction by the humanitarian, Andrew Jackson.


Flipper was his homeboy
Steinbeck always wrote with a porpoise.


I don't remember the civil war, like, at all. 
I’ve lived my whole life on the west coast and to me, the civil war seems like a really really long time ago

The Milk Story

I figured now is as good as time as any to tell you the milk story. Some of you have heard it, some of you haven't, but only I lived it.

I've had sleeping...issues... for awhile. Although they have gotten somewhat worse in my older age. But this sleep story takes place when I was a junior in high school.

I am the oldest of six children, so our house was/is pretty high on the decibel/activity chart. One day, my whole family was gone except me, so I decided to take a nap in the quiet solitude.

During the deep blissful state of REM, someone at the door was constantly ringing the doorbell. Being in a drunken like stupor, I answered the door to find a salesman. He was selling milk that would be delivered to your porch once a week (kind of like the old days, except the milk came in plastic not glass).

He asked if I was the lady in charge of the house. I told him I was (my logical thinking was that no one was home, therefore for the time being I was the lady in charge of the house). He then asked how many were in the family so he could calculate how much milk we needed. I told him there were 6 kids and two adults (which was true). He then looked at me amazed, put out his hand and said "may I shake the hand of the woman who looks so good for having six kids."

I shook his hand. I didn't correct him.

Before I knew it, I was signing up for 3 gallons of milk every 3 days. I even signed my mom's signature. It all happened so fast. He was a smooth salesman that had interrupted my nap. That's a bad combination.

When my parents returned home I told them about the incident, accidentally forgetting the part where I had signed my mom's name. They laughed and said I was crazy, especially because there is no way we drink that much milk that fast.

We forgot about the whole thing until the next Tuesday. At like 4:30 that morning my parents heard this thump at the door. They looked out the window and saw this random truck by our driveway. My dad, being the protector that he is, ran down the stairs, out the door, only to almost kill himself by tripping on 3 gallons of milk.

Then they saw the bill attached to the home delivered 3 gallons of milk. My parents weren't laughing anymore.

Six gallons of milk and many a phone battle later, my mom finally got it all taken care of.

Moral of the story: it's all fun and games to wake me up during the middle of a nap, just don't expect any sort of logical outcomes.

My Blog, 15 years from now

Let's face it folks, there are a plethora of very cute-puke-on-your-homemade-DIY-cardigan blogs. Women with families that look like they should be living in a catalog tell all about the fabulous lives they live - complete with coordinating Easter outfits; specially themed birthday parties for their three year old with hand calligraphied invitations; hand sewn fabric bunting holiday banners; photography skills, cooking skills, typography skills, sewing skills, and trophy wife skills; with just enough mishaps in their precious lives that they ensure their readers they are actually real people (and if you want links to these blogs, let me know. I have them all on my Google Reader).

It's true, I'm a follower of many of these blogs. I appreciate a lot of nice design and great DIY projects they feature. But because I have some sort of ingrained notion to go against the grain, don't expect my blog to be anything like that when/if I have my own little family. I think my posts would go along these lines:

Recipes:
"How to follow Krusteaz directions and still burn pancakes that are in completely boring circle shapes" 
"Sloppy Joes on stale buns"
"I'm too tired to make dinner find yourself something to eat Dinner Extraordinaire"
"Fancy guest dessert: store bought ice cream with chocolate sauce that has been expired for a month."

My Cute Kids:
Teaching them wrong names for things (i.e. salt is actually pepper, vice versa) so that when they get out in the real world they'll be blown away.
Christmas traditions of associating Santa driving a sleigh of alligators (Seriously. You better not pout).
Photos posted of them wearing haphazardly thrown on and mismatched clothes as their "Sunday Best."
Documentation of how many lice eggs I find on each of their sweet heads

Family Adventures:
Touring the morgue (I'm hoping Lindsey Lohan will still have community service hours there to give us a personal tour. I bet she will).
Going to Home Depot to buy rat traps
A nice picnic in the park (but after the park closes so we can play pinnacle with the bums and see who can run from the cops the fastest).

Etsy Shop:
I'd like to resell my kid's elementary school art projects and describe it as One of a Kind

Lifestyle:
How to organize your stuff so that the camera crew of the TV show Hoarders: Buried Alive can get some nice angle shots.

Exercising:
Sprinting to the stove to put out the fire after someone threw an ice cube into a pan of hot cooking oil.
Squatting to pick the pacifier out of the litter box and immediately placing in baby's mouth (after brushing off most of the kitty litter crystals, obviously).

Tutorials:
Displaying a garage sale find exactly how it looked when purchased
Vinyl wall decorating using colored plastic wrap leftover from Christmas cookie plates
Getting rid of telemarketers by pretending your husband just got done serving time for assault (I actually used this scenario once. True story). 

Party Themes:
White Trash and Luvin' It (including games like knocking your front teeth out)
Evil Clowns (might as well showcase them as they really are)
Cupcake Bonanza (fun surprises in each cupcake - like grandma's dentures or student loan bills (finder gets to pay the bill) ).

I almost wish I had kids now so I could start doing these awesome things just so I can blog about them later. I'm sure once I'm a mother I'll come up with even better ideas. Until then, I'm open to what you'd like to see in my blog 15 years from now.

Flirting Coaches Wanted

My mom is apparently getting really worried about my single status. She informed me that this summer when we're all in Utah, she's going to "hire" some of my married cousins to teach all the single granddaughters how to flirt. Really, mom?

Besides, I've watched Legally Blond and know exactly how to do the "bend and snap-" I just choose not to use it.

And on a side note, thanks to the anonymous person who left this interesting comment on my last post: This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I enjoy seeing websites that understand the value of providing a prime resource for free. I truly loved reading your post. Thanks! 

I guess you could consider my blog a prime resource for free. You're welcome. 

The Whole Fam

My brother, Mitch, got home from serving his mission (the London England Mission) on Thursday. We all went to the LAX airport to pick him up. This is him as a giant nerd bomber (he doesn't wear glasses, let alone those glasses).

Then Friday we took family pictures (because it had been 2.5 years since we had). We found a really pretty creek setting that if I happen to take pictures of people's pet lizards, this is where I'd take them. Being the cool person I am, I took the pictures, with help of my trusty camera remote. Okay, I set up the camera, then Mitch went camera remote happy. Then I took individual shots (except myself, which my dad shot). In case you want to be bored out of your mind, here are some:

Tanner

  Audrey

Trenton

Mitch

(He had his eyes closed in the "normal" shots, but we decided this fits his personality anyway).

 

Saundra

Me (ugh).

The Whole Fam

Because I had to be in the picture, I didn't realize that Saundra was banished to outer darkness of photo land -she's the small head in between my parents. And it was at the end of our photo shoot, and we were all tired, so you get the picture of the not so perfect family picture.

I also read that it's uncool to have everyone wear the same colored shirts (which, not going to lie, had basically been all our family pictures before), but you should still coordinate. We decided to go with purple, maroon and black. Even though it turned out that us three oldest kiddies wore purple. Whatever. Maybe in another 2.5 years we'll have it figured out. 

And for the final picture, I present the boy band pose (because what boys don't want to be in a boy band?)

They don't sing. They don't dance. But they take pictures for album covers. Call today to reserve this group to be the face of your boy band.