I made it up myself

If you haven’t been able to deduce, it just so happens to be 1 am Sunday night but really Monday morning. I know. You’re thinking how jealous you are. I don’t want to make you jealous and therefore sin, it’s just a byproduct of who I am. Not byproduct like gas. That wouldn’t be so flattuencing. I mean flattering.

I was just about to type “when was the last time you had to pee in a cup” because it made me laugh because I saw this yellow cup sitting by me but then thought better of it and decided not to type it. Boy, sorry for the potty humor. It must be because I’ve been around my cousins’ kids all week and they’re young and in that potty stage. Which in reality I guess we all are. Until we die.

A couple of months ago I wanted to see if anyone would add me as a friend on facebook, so I looked up a random girl from Lehi or something who was still in highschool and requested to be her friend. She said yes. I can’t decide if that makes me feel better about myself or not. I haven’t written on her wall yet though. Maybe I should. Maybe that will make her feel better about herself.

I’m a little out of it. I should go to bed, but I took a late nap. Only because I didn’t have a nap during Sacrament meeting. Only because I went to my cousin’s baby’s blessing in a ward with 300 primary kids. Yep. Needless to say the energy in the room helped me stay awake. Maybe that’s what I need each week. To feed off the energy of others, especially little kids, like that Disney movie with Bette Midler “Hocus Pocus”. Needless to say there’s not as much type of energy in a single’s ward sacrament meeting. On an energetic side note, when the dad held up the baby to the congregation, his two younger daughters stood on the pew (not phew as in gross) and started clapping.  But needless to say once again that their clapping noises were engulfed by the sounds of the future leaders of Zion.

If you say needless to say is that some sort of cosmic point against you?

I think the other fact is that my brain may have slightly atrophied this past month or so. I just don't get near enough attention from people and because I'm not in school I have nothing to ruminate on. It must be true, I do feed off of other people. I should really consider that when I start eating cheese or some other lactose filled item. What if the people I’m feeding off of have just had a dairy snack? Will that induce a stomach ache? Oh, I just had another crazy thought that I’ll allude to without saying “what if I actually feed from people?” I’m glad that I don’t type basically whatever comes to mind. I mean I’m not Harry Potter. He wasn’t a cannibal, was he?

Sorry for the widows. What can I say, I’m a killer of complete lines of text. Does that mean I’m a textual predator?

Some Sunday Saunterings

I've decided I'm lactose intolerant. Does that make me stop eating ice cream? Not in particular. When I was younger I thought it was "lactose and tolerant". Which it obviously isn't.

Why is it that aliens usually look like a cross between insects,spiders, fish and human? Why don't they ever look like bambi? And they also usually have big eyes. I guess that's supposed to imply that the bigger the eyes the better you see the whole picture and then the better you see the whole universe. In which you can then attack it. I haven't even seen any alien movies lately. Okay, not entirely true, I did watch the end of Chicken Little.

If you blog in an empty forest, does anyone read it? Assuming you get WiFi.

What happens when I can't think of anymore profound things to say? Is anyone even reading this? Hello?

As they say in the South- I'm AGGRAVATED!

You would think that with me having had created a website and being somewhat knowledgeable in computers I would know how to fix this dumb problem, but I don't. It's my title posts. They're underlined and I hate them. They're ugly. And I tried the font and color settings, but for some reason it won't change a darn thing. Help me. Show me.

Austen could be rolling in her grave, or maybe walking...

"A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages; she must be well trained in the fighting styles of the Kyoto masters and moderns tactics of weaponry of Europe." -Mr. Darcy

Well said, Mr. Darcy. Obviously, if you know anything, you know Mr. Darcy comes from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. And if you know more than anything, you'll know that this quote seems a bit off. That would be because this is from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The same classic story, but besides fighting the social atrocities of pride and prejudices, the Bennet girls and all of England must also fight Zombies who roam the land waiting to eat living flesh.

I've only just begun, and I dare say I might have been a little scared going to bed last night. Not for the Zombie aspect, but because I just don't know if Mr. Darcy will ever come around. That's not true either. I actually read the first version in High School, and am not ashamed of saying that I've seen the A&E 6 hour version, the Mormon version, and the latest version staring Keira Knightly (Mrs. Darcy. Mrs. Darcy. Mrs. Darcy. Mrs. Darcy. Mrs. Darcy.).

Bascially, I love it. Highly recommend it. Especially if you want to read about modest 1800 Englishwomen forming (as Mr. Bennet so lovingly puts it) "the pentagram of death" (in which they then slay their way through zombies that crashed the first ball of the novel).

And now I must go study the Kyoto masters, so I too can be considered a well rounded woman and someone like Mr. Darcy will want to marry me.

Heaven In a Basket

This is a real treat. It's me making up a song. I know, it doesn't get much better than this. Maybe finding my ice cream... wait, I'm over that. Please excuse the laundry basket looks Madison and I are sporting- it was the last day of classes, i.e. finals and cleaning. Yuck. But I think it added to the divine lyrics. Something like that.

Prodigal Hanky Dion

I know, the prodigal blogger writer returns. For my feast I would be okay with roast lamb, but only if it was on some gyros. Those are Greek yumminess, in case you didn’t know.

No, I have not been sleeping in a pig pen (in regards to being a prodigal blog writer). But here's a run down on my life so far. My aunt said that she would give me and/or her daughter (who is a year younger) $100 if we got married this school year. She said her and my mom are sick of their sisters having all these grandkids. Then she told her other daughter who is 18 and going to be attending BYUI in the fall that if she helps she gets a $50 finders fee.

I told my mom who said she would also pay the $100 and another $50 finders fee for Courtney (the 18 year old). On Sunday she held someone’s grandbaby and almost called me to raise it to $200, but against her better (or worse?) judgment she didn’t. So I'm sure if anyone out there wants to help find me a husband my mom and aunt would also pay you $50. Or if you want to be my husband you could get half my booty. Er, as in the money. Although I guess if we got married what's mine is yours and vice versa. Enough of that.

The first weekend I was done with school (can I get a witness?) I went to my roommate’s house in Preston, Idaho. She was leaving on a mission to Portugal and wanted me to come to her farewell. It was a lot of fun. The only thing that irritated me was when we went to a July 24^th firework show (Preston is so close to Utah they join in the pioneer day festivities) and the last song of the night was “God Bless America”. I have no problems with God blessing America. I hope He does. Unless we all turn wicked, but ask Ether about that.

The problem I have is when they play that song sung by someone like Celine Dion. Hello! She’s French Canadian! I said that too. Out loud. So the people in the stands who were enjoying a patriotic night looked at me. I’m sorry, but I must stand for truth and righteousness. Celine Dion singing that song is not truth or righteous. However, I love her “All By Myself” song. I think it helps represent the French Canadians very well. To honor Celine, I’ll include songs that she has sung (will show up italicized).

I then proceeded Monday morning to travel down to Utah where I would fly home to Cali the next day. Come to find out, my flight was Monday morning, not Tuesday. I should have listened closer to the lyrics of “Don’t Save it All for Christmas Day” Maybe then I would have not flaked my life like dandruff. Thankfully, they didn’t just keep all the money and let me apply my ticket cost to another ticket. So I flew out that night.

Little did I know my whole family had gotten the stomach flu. “I Feel Too Much” I told my mother. But I never did get sick. But I felt like I was going to get sick so I just acted that way. Without the vomiting of course. I think it’s all about “The Prayer”. Without faith, I would have for sure gotten sick.

Sunday it was off to Arizona for my Grandma’s birthday and an unofficial family reunion. Being amongst all that family I thought to myself “These are the Special Times”. Especially because Grandma sent all the grandkids to the Marriott hotel. She only said “No Hanky Panky” (not a C.D. song, but if it was, I bet she’d put her skinny little arm in and her skinny little arm out and her skinny little arm in and shake it until it fell off all about).

The only hanky panky we committed was making a midnight trip to In N Out. The panky part came when we handed the drive through girl a pass a long card and she gave us a dirty look (don’t worry, I’ve been off my mission far too long, remember how old I am, to think of that on my own. It was my cousin who has only been home for 2 month’s idea). At least she didn’t say to us “Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi” because I’m pretty sure that’s French Canadian and I have no clue what it means. I bet if Celine were there she could translate. But I also bet Celine wouldn’t have gotten a double double animal style.

Friday I drove back up to Utah (hey, the state you’re in!) in a long car ride. We finished the last hour of a book on tape written by an LDS author who probably went to hair school (cheesy romance fiction with tons off ADD tangents. Hmmm, maybe I should have gone to hair school). In between falling asleep I think I caught the main character saying things like “No Living Without Loving You,” and “Listen to the Magic Man.” I didn’t know that Celine went to the same hair school as the author. Then we listened to another book on tape, also written by an LDS author, but it was much better because it was a historical fiction about an oppressed Scottish royalty maiden during the 1700s and a horse named “Naked”. Okay, there were horses, but they weren’t part of the story, hence I don’t really know their names. But I bet there have been horses in history with that name.

And so here I have been ever since. And here I will be until Tuesday. At which point I will then travel to California. At which point I will come back to Utah after some days. At which point I will go back up to Rexburg. But through all of this, remember- My Heart Will Go On. And that sometimes Blogger is dumb and I can't get these dadgum lines off. Sorry.

Suddenly

I sat down to write on my blog and suddenly became very tired. Don't want to fall asleuiwotpu4i[oj4qgw;klvdsgmej4triepofdsklmgfjklejjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj