I have a mystery to write to you. Last week, because it was my birthday, I decided to buy myself some Ben and Jerry’s Oatmeal Cookie Chunk ice cream. It’s their best kind. Seriously. You should get someone to buy it for you. I bought it Sat. night. (You getting down these details?).
At approximately 12:30a.m. I decided to be sinful because it was technically my birthday and have a couple of bites. So I did as I was meandering about the internet. Now here is where it gets tricky. I specifically remember restraining myself from eating all of it (even though it was so way yummy), and closing the lid. I then thought I put it back in the freezer.
The next day was Sunday. It wasn’t dark and stormy, so that doesn’t help set a mysterious mood for my mystery, but you can pretend like it was. I went to church at 9 a.m. I returned home at 12:20. (Only because the last speaker went over by 15 mins). I did visiting teaching. I laid down to take a nap. I woke up yearning for that sweet escape in its Ben and Jerry’s container. I walked to the freezer.
And it was gone.
Frantically, I searched through the freezer, calling its name so it would come to its momma. No such luck. The fridge, of course, I thought, then desperately guided my sorrowful hands amidst the leftovers and other perishable food. Talk about perishable. I was about to perish, for it was not in their either. My heart sank as I realized I must have thrown it away. Carefully, as obsessed as I was in finding it, I wasn’t too obsessed to take out all the contents of the trash, but I searched through our trash.
Still, nothing.
Cupboards, oven, microwave, under the bed covers, drawers, closet, bathroom, backpack.
Still, nothing.
It was time I profiled possible suspects. I had to confront the roommates. One by one I questioned them in a sunlit room with the light on overhead not making that big of an intimidation statement. They all said no. They said if they did take it they would have told me. Were the lying? I secretly searched through their bedroom trash.
Still, nothing.
Was my purchase so divine that I dreamed it in my head? It couldn’t have been, I remember the smooth texture of cinnamon ice cream gently welcoming itself into my mouth. The softened chunks of oatmeal cookie that I so tenderly chewed so as not to get a brain freeze. Chocolate pieces of heaven being rescued from the spoon by my tongue. No, it had not been a dream. It was as real as alligators in a swamp. And the reality was, it was still gone, and nothing could bring it back.
The truth was before my eyes. But I didn’t want to admit it. My beloved frozen love was cheating on me. It had run away to the neighbors to be with their popsicles. Did I have evidence? No, some things you just have a gut feeling about. I just hope that it’s happy. Wherever it may be. Such a story never was, that of the love between an ice cream and a 98.6 degree human being. Human girl.
The moral of the story; you misplace keys and pairs of socks, and occasionally kitchen sinks, but never a carton of ice cream. And so I hope you never have to experience such pain and misery.
Until next time, I bid thee ado.
1 comment:
You should check the bathroom cupboards. I have been known to leave things in cupboards even if they don't belong in them. For example I habe returned milk to the cupboard and the cereal to the fridge. I bet you'll find it. Simply put it may be one of them times when you did something and didn't realize it, kinda like drive to work in the morning and then have no memory of actually driving to work.
(I have that allll the time)
Needless to say at least I know where my garments are kept!
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