This begins to touch what my regular dreams are made of.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Choose your own adventure!
Through my life's experiences, I've decided to do a little choose your own adventure. May or may not be based on actual events. It's simple, after reading a statement or ridiculously long run on paragraph, I give you two options. You choose what you would do. Or what I would do. Never choose what Kermit the Frog would do. I heard he got affected with the Swine Flu. Then you go to that number or letter and choose all over again! Hum "choose the right" if it makes you feel better.
This week I was: a) hit by a car b) hit by an ostrich.
a) Hit by a car because the Rexburg wind was so bad the car was parked but technically I hit it. Or maybe that didn’t happen whatsoever. But I think I did however 1) trip on a snail 2) kiss a boy
b) Hit by an ostrich because I was dreaming. Really, you thought there were ostriches around? Although, how cool is this- there actually is an ALLIGATOR FARM IN IDAHO! No joke. It’s down by Twin Falls on part of the Snake River where there is a lot of geo thermal activity so the water is nice and warm year round. They breed alligators for meat and skins, and have a ridiculous (like 1,000 I want to say. I want to) 6 footers! I really want to go to this place because 3) I love alligators 4) I want to bite one to see what it tastes like while still living
1) Trip on a snail because I was searching for them. Not much more exciting than that. You picked a lame adventure. Fortune cookie says you loose turn.
2) Kiss a boy. Now that’s exciting. But I didn’t because (****) is a lame-o and I deserve better than that. We even had a root beer float party that I invited him over for (in fact the party was specifically for us girls to get our crushes over in a sly way) that he didn’t show up for. So done with him. It’s been what- 3 years (okay, so 1.5 years I was on a mission, but still, eternity may be a long time but I don’t have eternity to prepare for it if you know what I mean). The party was still fun though, and after even though I was really tired I stayed up really late on the internet watching You-Tube videos about alligators. Hopefully you haven’t cheated and read b, and if you haven’t, don’t do it now! The reason I was watching videos about alligators is because 3) I love them 4) I want to bite one to see what it tastes like while still living.
3) Of course I love alligators! They’re kind of like how sweet girls (like me) are attracted to bad boys (like them, if they were human, but they’re not, they’re alligators, but they’re natural killers, not that I would be a attracted to a natural killer in human form, maybe a natural killer of “oh wow if looks could kill he’s so good looking he could be a natural killer”). As I told my mission president, I just want to get to know them a little better so that during the millennium when the lion has herbal tea with the sheep and I play pinnacle with alligators we will have already gotten over the awkward “getting to know you stage”. Why not spend that awkward time now while they’re still natural killers. I think that way they’ll know that I’m serious about playing a rousing game of pinnacle with them. Fortune cookie says good choice, way to end an awesome adventure.
4) I want to bite one to see what it tastes like while still living. If you chose this one, you’re pretty stupid. Go ahead, try to bite a living alligator. Try to bite it while you’re still living as well. Because he’ll rip your head off. Or she. I don’t think I’d try to check the gender of an alligator before I bit it. But the thing is, I wouldn’t try to bite one. Fortune cookie says you and any children that you might have had if you hadn’t made this dumb choice are now cursed with a curse. Look in Malachi. But if you hadn’t made this dumb choice then you would have had children, and they wouldn’t be cursed. See how our choices lead us down different paths? But ultimately, you lose.
This week I was: a) hit by a car b) hit by an ostrich.
a) Hit by a car because the Rexburg wind was so bad the car was parked but technically I hit it. Or maybe that didn’t happen whatsoever. But I think I did however 1) trip on a snail 2) kiss a boy
b) Hit by an ostrich because I was dreaming. Really, you thought there were ostriches around? Although, how cool is this- there actually is an ALLIGATOR FARM IN IDAHO! No joke. It’s down by Twin Falls on part of the Snake River where there is a lot of geo thermal activity so the water is nice and warm year round. They breed alligators for meat and skins, and have a ridiculous (like 1,000 I want to say. I want to) 6 footers! I really want to go to this place because 3) I love alligators 4) I want to bite one to see what it tastes like while still living
1) Trip on a snail because I was searching for them. Not much more exciting than that. You picked a lame adventure. Fortune cookie says you loose turn.
2) Kiss a boy. Now that’s exciting. But I didn’t because (****) is a lame-o and I deserve better than that. We even had a root beer float party that I invited him over for (in fact the party was specifically for us girls to get our crushes over in a sly way) that he didn’t show up for. So done with him. It’s been what- 3 years (okay, so 1.5 years I was on a mission, but still, eternity may be a long time but I don’t have eternity to prepare for it if you know what I mean). The party was still fun though, and after even though I was really tired I stayed up really late on the internet watching You-Tube videos about alligators. Hopefully you haven’t cheated and read b, and if you haven’t, don’t do it now! The reason I was watching videos about alligators is because 3) I love them 4) I want to bite one to see what it tastes like while still living.
3) Of course I love alligators! They’re kind of like how sweet girls (like me) are attracted to bad boys (like them, if they were human, but they’re not, they’re alligators, but they’re natural killers, not that I would be a attracted to a natural killer in human form, maybe a natural killer of “oh wow if looks could kill he’s so good looking he could be a natural killer”). As I told my mission president, I just want to get to know them a little better so that during the millennium when the lion has herbal tea with the sheep and I play pinnacle with alligators we will have already gotten over the awkward “getting to know you stage”. Why not spend that awkward time now while they’re still natural killers. I think that way they’ll know that I’m serious about playing a rousing game of pinnacle with them. Fortune cookie says good choice, way to end an awesome adventure.
4) I want to bite one to see what it tastes like while still living. If you chose this one, you’re pretty stupid. Go ahead, try to bite a living alligator. Try to bite it while you’re still living as well. Because he’ll rip your head off. Or she. I don’t think I’d try to check the gender of an alligator before I bit it. But the thing is, I wouldn’t try to bite one. Fortune cookie says you and any children that you might have had if you hadn’t made this dumb choice are now cursed with a curse. Look in Malachi. But if you hadn’t made this dumb choice then you would have had children, and they wouldn’t be cursed. See how our choices lead us down different paths? But ultimately, you lose.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Side Kick Crime/Boredom Fighter
To be honest, I didn’t know if I wanted to go through with it. Not that I was scared about potentially being part of a crazy car chase. Especially if it ended with the suspect running into an abandoned building- like the old Desseret Industries; that would have been exciting. Maybe it was the anxiety that somehow this cop fellow could pierce into my soul and know exactly how many times I’ve gone slightly over the speed limit. Or more likely, the fear of sitting in a car with an unknown person and finding stuff to talk about.
As it turns out, my fears and anxieties would be for naught, including my fanciful car chase that just didn’t end up happening. Yes, I went on a police ride along with one of Rexburg’s finest. I repeat, Rexburg, Idaho. Not Los Angeles, Chicago, or even Idaho Falls, but America’s Family Community.
I was assigned to ride with Officer Robison on a Friday evening. But even a Friday night in this quaint college town proved to be, and I somewhat hesitate to say this…boring. Now a couple of hours later, when a rodeo some miles away got out, surely that would have produced a drunken cowboy ready to ride the bull.
In fairness, Officer Robison is an easy-going-well-to-chat-with kind of guy. I mean, it’s not his fault that the majority of people decide to act decent and civilized at any given time. I am totally on the train for great communities. But when you grow up watching CHIPS and read Mary Higgins Clark novels, you have a dark hope that you’ll be able to experience crime first hand. Of course as an observer, not a participator.
His supped-up Ford Explorer with recording devices and spot lights did, however, stop three times. Four if you count when he dropped me off.
Stop One: Suspect (Note: term “suspect” refers to anyone the officer talked to, not really suspected of any crime) driving somewhat distracted. Turns out to be teenager with no previous incidents who happened to be looking down the same time the officer looked into his car. Let off with warning to be more careful. Supped-up Ford Explorer did slightly bump a bicycle when backing out of suspect’s ridiculously long driveway.
Stop Two: Suspect going eight miles over speed limit. To her defense, did not know that the speed limit had changed. Let off with warning to know the speed limit. Supped-up Ford Explorer’s flashing lights looked magical when reflected off of the rear of the suspect’s car.
Stop Three: Suspects getting wood for bonfire out of construction dumpster. Let off with warning to ask for permission first. Supped-up Ford Explorer nicely handled the uneven dirt of the construction site.
The absolute best part of it? When asked what was the worst excuse for getting pulled over, Officer Robison said instead of handing him her license, one old woman handed over her triple combination. Welcome to Rexburg, Idaho, America’s Family (ahem, most boring) Community. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As it turns out, my fears and anxieties would be for naught, including my fanciful car chase that just didn’t end up happening. Yes, I went on a police ride along with one of Rexburg’s finest. I repeat, Rexburg, Idaho. Not Los Angeles, Chicago, or even Idaho Falls, but America’s Family Community.
I was assigned to ride with Officer Robison on a Friday evening. But even a Friday night in this quaint college town proved to be, and I somewhat hesitate to say this…boring. Now a couple of hours later, when a rodeo some miles away got out, surely that would have produced a drunken cowboy ready to ride the bull.
In fairness, Officer Robison is an easy-going-well-to-chat-with kind of guy. I mean, it’s not his fault that the majority of people decide to act decent and civilized at any given time. I am totally on the train for great communities. But when you grow up watching CHIPS and read Mary Higgins Clark novels, you have a dark hope that you’ll be able to experience crime first hand. Of course as an observer, not a participator.
His supped-up Ford Explorer with recording devices and spot lights did, however, stop three times. Four if you count when he dropped me off.
Stop One: Suspect (Note: term “suspect” refers to anyone the officer talked to, not really suspected of any crime) driving somewhat distracted. Turns out to be teenager with no previous incidents who happened to be looking down the same time the officer looked into his car. Let off with warning to be more careful. Supped-up Ford Explorer did slightly bump a bicycle when backing out of suspect’s ridiculously long driveway.
Stop Two: Suspect going eight miles over speed limit. To her defense, did not know that the speed limit had changed. Let off with warning to know the speed limit. Supped-up Ford Explorer’s flashing lights looked magical when reflected off of the rear of the suspect’s car.
Stop Three: Suspects getting wood for bonfire out of construction dumpster. Let off with warning to ask for permission first. Supped-up Ford Explorer nicely handled the uneven dirt of the construction site.
The absolute best part of it? When asked what was the worst excuse for getting pulled over, Officer Robison said instead of handing him her license, one old woman handed over her triple combination. Welcome to Rexburg, Idaho, America’s Family (ahem, most boring) Community. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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