Candy Store

Whilest I was at Walmart today I happened upon these interesting m&m's: strawberried peanut butter. Upon further research, they came out in celebration of the second Transformers movie. But the real question, were they any good? I say yes, yes they were. Now, don't go expecting a lucious truffle, it's more like a fun surprise (that happens to be pleasent) in your mouth. It makes me wonder what it would taste like if I started dipping PB&J sandwhiches in melted chocolate. How about that for fondue? (Please don't say fondon't).

In regards to candy, my brother, Mitch, who is on a mission in England told about an experience he had. They were about to visit a member when they both got "bad feelings." Here's how he described it: "like i was in a really bad place kind of like when you are on a diet and you walk through the candy section in the store." Perfect analogy. See, missions do teach you something.

All the Leaves are Brown

First off, to those of you concerned with a dog pooping in the below alligator costume, there is an answer. Obviously the maker of this costume wasn't an ignorant bafoon, therefore I assume there is a "doggy door" in the costume. Don't alligators also answer nature's call? So not only is the costume alligator accurate it is also best friend friendly. Such sick people you are for thinking otherwise.

Second, I keep getting these letters asking for advice and crap. Good thing I'm so good at it.

Elissa Gator,
I just love the fall! The leaves chaning colors, the blustery wind, the smell of pumpkin. How do you enjoy fall? Any suggestions to further one's autumn experience?
Lesly Leave-it-to-Tree

Weird Name,
Glad someone loves tripping and scraping their knee. Don't know of many other people who enjoy falling. In regards to your other outlandish atempts to be poetic -- don't quit your day job (unless you're getting paid to be a poet, then by all  means, file for disability).

I don't know what it is with people and their obsession with leaves changing colors. Don't they understand that this is nature's way of killing off the tree's labor throughout the year? Leaves change colors because they are no longer getting food from the tree's branches, therefore starving them. Their calls for help include vibrant reds, oranges and golden yellows. They then start to dry out, withering away, until they can no longer hold onto the branch. At this point a brutal tornado (your "blustery wind") usually comes and finally rips their lifeless umbilical cord from the tree and drops them mercilessly on dirty parked cars. How does the tree feel? Seems to me the tree is okay with genocide, as it produces leaves each spring to be murdered in the fall.

So how do I enjoy autumn? I don't. Because I'm constantly raking dead lifes and gathering them into a mass grave. Some people enjoy jumping in this mass grave. Perverts, that's what they are. Does it pain me that not every leaf will have the proper burial it deserves? Yes. It pains me so much I eat more Halloween candy than is humanly possible. If you're serious about furthering my fall experience, you would send me more Halloween candy. I know not everyone can appreciate the grief a fallen leaf causes, but I will respect any little attempt you take to understanding. You're welcome.

Oh Halloween

Why is it that Halloween is just another excuse to be raunchy? Look at this clean costume above. Granted, I can't tell if it's a dog or a human inside (which wouldn't it be AWESOME if a human were in there) but look how clean and true to nature this is. Granted number two, I happen to love alligators. Ward party Monday night sprung up on me, and yes, we're supposed to dress up. The question is -- what as? To think that I, Elissa Stewart would have a hard time figuring out what to be. It's true. What can I say, I just like Halloween for the candy. Maybe I should just dress up as a pig. 

I'm Back to being barely alive

Elissa Gator,
I had a special occassion (not my wedding, but almost as important) and I needed my bangs cut. So, being a college student I went to the beauty school. I've been there before and they have been competent enough to do a decent job. Except this time. She chopped my bangs off so that it looked like a cancer patient growing my hair back. The worse part? The hair mentor said the hair murderer did a good job. What am I supposed to do?
Forehead Francine

Foward,
What were you thinking getting your hair cut before a special occasion? Don't you know the fates usually frown in frolicking fancy when people like you make these dumb decisions? Enough admonishing, I'm sure you learned your lesson. Do you have cancer? One more question, as an advice giver and cosmos knower, how do you expect me to answer a question like "what am I supposed to do?" Doesn't matter, because if you did know, you'd be writing this, and you obviously are not. In a few words, sometimes grocery stores will not carry candy corn pumpkins. You just have to go mental until you find one that does. Then you get them, eat them, and usually throw up globs of orange corn syrup clumps. What did you learn? Hopefully next Halloween you'll find them at the first store so you can throw up on a Tuesday instead of a Friday. You're welcome.

I've Even Barely Less Alive

I feel it a duty to let my faithful readers know what is going on in my life. I came down with a nasty cold. Or the swine flu. Whatever it is, it equals me wishing someone would surprise me with a bowl of made with love chicken soup. That is not a hint. More of a demand. Which is probably why you'll probably never want to visit my blog again. But to make up for it, I've included this amazing YouTube video that some of you may find hilarious while others of you may wonder if I've completly lost it. Don't worry- it's just geeky graphic design jokes. Enjoy.

Yes, I'm alive, but barely

Now that October is practically over, (in a relative sense), I'll update everyone on my life. I went on a horseback trail ride and here is my horse named Poncho. I don't know if he speaks Spanish.

And this past weekend I went to a mission reunion. For this special occassion I made an Alligator Cupcake Cake. Not only was it to die for cute, it was also to die for good. Chocolate Marshmallow Caramel Cupcakes with Cream Cheese frosting. No, I didn't think you'd be able to handle that. The only thing is I put caramel on top of the cupcakes and it was so gooey deliciousness that when I piped the green scaley frosting it kind of all started sliding off into a swampy mess. Whatever.

I'm in a Typography class and we got to learn how to use the letterpress and then we had to set a quote with a dingbat and run 25 sheets. Believe me, it takes FOREVER. It's confusing because you have to set the quote backwards, and it doesn't help if your type falls off. Makes me appreciate them setting stuff like the Bible and Book of Mormon. Maybe I'll show the finished project later. Depends on how I feel.

And this last image I saw on a car and just had to have the picture. Make of it what you will. I'm pretty sure he didn't win. The real question is, if he did win the presidency, would he have won the Nobel Peace Prize? Some things we won't know in this life.