I'm Back to being barely alive

Elissa Gator,
I had a special occassion (not my wedding, but almost as important) and I needed my bangs cut. So, being a college student I went to the beauty school. I've been there before and they have been competent enough to do a decent job. Except this time. She chopped my bangs off so that it looked like a cancer patient growing my hair back. The worse part? The hair mentor said the hair murderer did a good job. What am I supposed to do?
Forehead Francine

Foward,
What were you thinking getting your hair cut before a special occasion? Don't you know the fates usually frown in frolicking fancy when people like you make these dumb decisions? Enough admonishing, I'm sure you learned your lesson. Do you have cancer? One more question, as an advice giver and cosmos knower, how do you expect me to answer a question like "what am I supposed to do?" Doesn't matter, because if you did know, you'd be writing this, and you obviously are not. In a few words, sometimes grocery stores will not carry candy corn pumpkins. You just have to go mental until you find one that does. Then you get them, eat them, and usually throw up globs of orange corn syrup clumps. What did you learn? Hopefully next Halloween you'll find them at the first store so you can throw up on a Tuesday instead of a Friday. You're welcome.