So Me to You

I promised myself that I would post more this year than last year. Last year I posted 59. This post will make 60 for this year. I know you're standing in shock and awe about how much of an over achiever I am, but don't let it tear your noggin off. I should probably write one of those "reminiscent of the year posts" (which there are nothing wrong with those), but at this moment I just don't care. Is that bad? So I'll enlighten you with some much needed thoughts (much needing to be outta my mind and polluting yours, that is).

Why do you think Santa only says “And to all a good night” ? What about having a good day? Then again, most Chinese take-out bags tell you to have a good day; they themselves forget about night. Speaking of China – when wrapping a gift for my sister I said “Love Walmart, or Chinese people who made this for Walmart, or God for making Chinese people.” I like the idea that you can choose who your gift is from. It’s much less constricting when having to write thank you cards for your gifts. And, the gifts that you didn’t exactly love can be attributed to lesser known relatives or Pixar villains. But of course I love all my gifts, so I don’t have to worry about those kind of thank you cards. Aren’t italics just the funnest!

Sometimes, my sub-conscious shocks and awes me. Last someday, I had slept out on the couch for the night, and in the morning, whilest I was still sleeping, the rest of my family was up and about, and my sub-conscious heardest them. My brother asked my dad “What did the Monet tell the police when it was arrested,” and before my dad could think about answering, my sub-conscious told me the answer and I yelled out “I was framed!” And then, when I was reading the paper after I had woken up, I saw that same joke, but I had forgotten about my sub-conscious blurting, so it was even more funny when my mom told me about the incident later. The end. And commas are also awesome. 

Oh, I got put in a Relief Society presidency. They hesitatingly made me 1st counselor. The first Sunday that I had to “sit in the front” I fell asleep for the whole Relief Society to see. If they had the courage to make me President (which is probably a good thing they didn’t) my first order of business would have been to disband the presidency seats facing everyone.  Why?
     1) We’re not better than the other sisters.
     2) It’s not like we hold the priesthood (unless we have a worthy boyfriend that we hug occasionally)
     3) I hate facing sideways to see the teacher, which strains my eyes, which causes faster sleepy sleepy time.
Okay, it would most likely be more reason #3, but having 3 reasons always helps an argument, especially when your reasoning is California-fault-line shaky to begin with. But, you have to admit, making a numbered list can provide many hours of well rounded fun.

And if you actually made it to the end of this post, congrats, it's 2012 by now (and I have it on good authority -via Hollywod via Aztecs - that the world will end in December.) 

Happy Year that may be new, but is so you.
 

I'm So Proud

Not like I had any part in this, but because it's my school I feel like I did. You know, the Spirit of Ricks and all. It's pretty long, but I enjoyed it. Then again, I'm somewhat biased. The first half is filmed backwards, it's crazy.

You Look Like You Need A Laugh

Over the course of decades, nay, days, I have diligently been searching to find things to make you, yes you, smile. I'm sure sometimes you think "why does she directly talk to me when she's really talking to anyone who reads this dumb thing?" It's because I know you. I know you'd never say something like that. This Christmas, I wanted to give you something. It'll probably grow (like those sponge men you put in water that expand 300% more) as I think of more. Here is a list of places to go to when you need a laugh/want to feel good about yourself. I'm sure you've heard of most, but it's always good to be reminded.

Cake Wrecks
Featuring real cakes in real bakeries that have gone real wrong.

Catalog Living
I already promoted them, but I'll do it again

Foxy Blunt
When Hallmark doesn't send the very best.

SeriouslySoBlessed
This site reminds me of someone I know (none of you, unless it is you, which if it is, then I find it interesting you're reading my blog...)

People of Walmart
Perhaps save this site for the special occasion when you feel you dressed in the dark. Unless dressing in the dark isn't a special occasion for you.

Engrish Funny
You know you wish they made signs like that in America (then again, maybe they do)

Awkward Family Photos
It's so funny because it hits so close to home

Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris doesn't blog. Blogs Chuck Norris.

GraphJam
And you thought graphs and pie charts were boring.

The Onion
Don't let the news get you down.

SignatureTshirts
Not the coolest shop name, but some very clever shirts.

Fred Products
Because a giving a toaster gets boring after awhile

YouTube Videos (obviously too many to really list, but here's some of my favorite)

Anything with Remi Gaillard in it. He's like the crazy cousin that no one likes to admit being related to, but secretly every one wishes they had his guts.

Literal Video of Total Eclipse of My Heart
It gets me every time.

Kittens Inspired By Kittens
"No You're Not!"


Favorite Funny TV shows:

Pysch
Oh Shaun and Gus how I want to be your friend

Eureka
This is quirky and sci-fi. Maybe I'm a closet sci-fi-er. Get over it.

Raising Hope
New this season, it helps us understand our 2nd cousins, the white trash folk.

The Office
Well duh

Books (Man, I really need to keep my GoodReads up to date. I forget everything)

Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde

Lemony Snicket
Can I please be this person when I grow up? Make sure to read the other books besides just Unfortunate Events. If you haven't yet, well, that's unfortunate.

Snow White and the Seven Doors
Okay, you can't actually see this book, because I wrote it in 3rd grade, but give props to a third grade genius for that punny title/ensuing story line. I even drew pictures of seven doors.

Sierra St. James
She's a Mormon author, and I've only read like two of her books, but they were pretty funny. Remember those, Adrian?

It really is a shame I can't think of more funny books right now. Then again, I was into die-hard mysteries for the most part (you thought I was going to say die-hard romance. Well I didn't). And if they're written well, mysteries aren't usually very funny; unless they're written poorly, then they're hilarious.

Seriously, this list should keep you laughing for hours (clicking on the links and exploring, of course). I'm so generous for creating it (and unfortunately I will now be an insomniac tonight as my brain gets blitzed with more funny stuff. I know, you're thinking it's not possible for me not to be able to fall asleep, but sometimes, it's true. Maybe I'll fall asleep laughing. Or start floating like the man on Mary Poppins. "A wooden leg named Smith...") Send some Christmas love this way and tell me places you go to make you laugh. Besides this site (because that would be trying to get brownie points on your behalf, and we just can't have that).

PoisonEttas

This is me drowning in over 300 poinsettias. Well, obviously not drowning because I think water or liquid substance is required to actually drown. It's festive to say the least.

Life has been life. A lot of people have been interested in my little Etsy shop of horrors, but not a lot of bites so far. I want a lot of business, but at the same time I make sure to also pray that it wouldn't be so much that I'd be overwhelmed. Hey, I've learned my lesson about wishing and praying for things. You got to be real specific.

Audrey was watching the Polar Express last night. I personally have a hard time watching that movie because I'm not a fan of the animation- it creeps me out. Then I got to thinking: Santa is an old man and sometimes old men get Alzheimer. What if Santa got Alzheimer? Here some things that might happen:

1. We would get presents everyday because Santa would forget it wasn't Christmas
2. We would never get presents ever again because Santa would forget it was Christmas
3. Santa would probably walk around naked in the North Pole.
    3a. There would be a mass exodus of elves running away at the sight
    3b. The elves would somehow end up in China, because factories is where they feel the most comfortable.
    3c. Chinese people would start flooding to America in the millions because the jobs in China were taken by the elves.
    3d. Chinese people would become the majority and ban Christmas
4. Santa would never get off any roof, because he'd forget the names of the reindeer "On Dancer, on Prancer, on...eh...on....er...What are all these toys doing in my lap?"
5. Mrs. Claus would have right of attorney and close down the whole kit and caboodle and move to the Bahamas.
6. Basically, let's hope Santa doesn't get too old.

What do you think would happen if Santa got Alzheimer?

Giveaway oh giveaway

Hello studmuffins (yes, I'm talking to you). Hope your Thanksgiving was thankfully good. Guess what? I got called on to speak in sacrament meeting again. This time I wasn't asleep. It's because I got a new calling. After having somehow avoiding it my whole young adult life, I got put in the Relief Society presidency, 1st counselor. Yeah for me.

Onto more exciting things. I am doing a giveaway ($60 worth) of my LetterChef products. You have to visit my friend's blog to enter: In the Kitchen Where I Belong and for all the juicy details. Hey, you know it would be a great and easy Christmas gift (for yourself, of course...). The contest ends Sunday, so I suggest you get on your e-pony and enter. Unless, you hate me. That's fine too. Good luck!

I wish this were my life...

I found a new blog today that 1)I'm mad I didn't come up with the idea first and 2)I wish I were Elaine and Gary and could live as fancy as they do. Let me explain. This blog is called Catalog Living, and features pictures from home decor magazines with captions that correlate. For example (and no, I didn't write this)

"Frankly Gary, I’m still worried that the Turners are going to think our lamps are too small."


Or

When Gary and Elaine host a cocktail party, you can always rest assured that they’ll be serving at least one bowl of giant rope.


Genius and hilarious. I probably spent an hour look at all the past posts. I read an article about the mastermind behind it and she said she gets e-mails all the times from photographers and the such who tell her they know what they're doing is absolutely ridiculous, so they find her stuff funny and not insulting. Maybe one day Adrian will have a picture featured on this lady's blog. But mark my words, I'll have the first poke at it. 


I know I didn't have that genius idea, but I did have another one: if I ever get married, I'm thinking instead of having a flower bouquet, I'll have an Edible Arrangement, you know, the fancy fruit basket? That way, I can just nibble on it the whole day while still looking put together. I don't want to take business away from Melissa or anything, so everyone should keep this idea on the down low.


And last but not least...I've had two sales! What's even cooler is that they were from people that randomly found me on Etsy. Speaking of my store, the week after Thanksgiving I'm doing a giveaway on Joelle's blog, so make sure you check it out (I'll remind everyone, no worries!).


And that, my friends, is all she wrote. For today. 

Business Cards and What woke Me Up

I have been pretty busy with this whole Letter Chef thing I'm doing. And yes, I except all of you to have gone and look at my stuff. Or bad karma will happen. Yesterday, I got my business cards from MOO. For those who haven't heard of them, your business cards are printed front and back on the nicest-thickest paper, and the best part, you can have a different photo/design on every single card! So I uploaded some of my alphabet photos for the back. This way, when people ask what in the heck I'm talking about, I pull out three to four of my business cards and make a word.

This picture really doesn't do them justice, but you get the idea. I'm in love with them.

In other news, on Sunday at church I was unusually tired from right off the bat. I usually don't start falling asleep until the 2nd speaker, but I was a goner right after the sacrament ended. I was soon awoken from a dead rock sleep when I suddenly heard my name from the pulpit. I did not know what was going on, but my fears were confirmed when they repeated the order of impromtu speakers (because for some reason we had no speakers so the called people out from the audience). The sad part was, apparently those that were speaking were supposedly those who had recently returned home from their missions. When I got up I made sure to let them know it has almost been 3 YEARS since I've been home. Sheesh. The good news is I stayed awake for the rest of Sacrament. Moral of story- if you are going to fall asleep in church every Sunday, make sure your subconscious is alert for you.

I am the Letter Chef

Remember a long time ago when I said I was going to try to make money designing blogs? Well...that didn't pan out like the 1849 gold rush. But remember those alphabet name pictures I made for my mom's sisters? Well...that's panning out a little better. In fact, my mom decided I should try to actually sell them. So I've been taking hundreds of pictures in cool spots around here in So Cal to beef up my stock of letters. And then we got a business license. And a seller's permit. And a fictitious business name. And I signed up on Etsy (because I could have made my own website, but honestly did not want to deal with that mess).  And we found a great local printer for the pictures. And we found a custom frame shop. And now I'm finally posting about this and introducing that I am the Letter Chef (not to be confused with any super hero of the same name. It's not like I'm revealing my secret identity. Or maybe I am). Without further adieu:


First you take a picture of something that looks like a letter (in this case an "E")

Find some other letters (S)

And then combine them together (it says "Cundiff")

To see more, go to my site: www.letterchef.etsy.com. When you click on the individual letters, there is another picture in a column that shows you more options of the same letter. Except "Z" - I only have two lonely ones. I know, I'm working on it. I may be willing to pay for a good Z picture (or any letter for that fact) if you'd like to submit one. The problem is they need to be in a vertical format, so remember that when looking for me. Because let's face it, I'll never have Oompa Loompas, so I'm relying on you.

I Run To You

The other night I had a dream where I was chasing a black man, and as a universal truth, you ain't going to out run a black man; but the funny part was when I woke myself up because I was actually running in bed. Lying down, of course. Although, it would make for an even greater story if I had stood up and was running on my bed. But then I might have run off of it and hurt myself and not been able to write this post. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

My doppelganger?

Today, I played the piano in Sunday school and Relief Society and got more "face time" than I usually do in single's ward. After relief society a girl that I haven't met before came up to me and said "Oh my gosh. You remind me so much of this one celebrity. She was on "Yes Man," you know, Zooey Deschanel. You even talk like her!"

The funny thing is, this is not the first time someone has told me this. Besides being called Reba (the country singer) by a 4 year old, I have never been told I look like any other celebrities...except Zooey. A good handful and a half of people have told me this. Hey, I'm totally flattered, she's a pretty lady (not saying I'm at her beauty level or anything). I do like her in movies; she's somewhat quirky and let's be honest, I'm somewhat quirky. She's also a singer (which I am not) but has a unique sound. And that, my friends, is my supposed doppelganger. 

Mission Inn

I have been gathering more "photo letters" so that I can create better "photo letter collages" and perhaps "sell" them (I decided to put sell in apostrophes because I didn't want it to feel left out). My mom and I went to Mission Inn, an old hotel/resort in Riverside, California; to find more letters. I went to Pasadena on Tuesday, and I should probably put some pictures up from that as well. These aren't photo letters, but they show how cool this place is. I went with the black and white theme to take you back to the olden days. Something like that. Oh, and the top photo was an antique store that I liked the name of.

They were decorating for Christmas and had these giant plastic candles. Basically, Jack probably couldn't jump over these. 

Sometimes I do love living in California.

Why get a dog when you could get a Croc!

Um, I just don't know what to say about this. 

Messed up then, messed up now

Today I was thinking about dumb things we do or think as kids. I remember we went to this museum when I was in 3rd grade. They were telling us how the ladies would wear fancy hats, and to hold them in place they would stick these huge pins into their heads.

I took it literally that they stuck these great long pins into their heads (not their hair, which is what they would actually do) and I remembered raising my hand and asking again for clarification that they would stick the pins into their heads, and the lady looked at me like "well duh, where else were they going to put them?" The image that came into my head was women with blood running down their heads as they painfully pushed the pins deeper and deeper into their brains. Just goes to show you I was born strange.

A dream is a wish your brain makes

I read this on msn's site, and thought it was interesting:

"Can you vividly recall your dreams each morning? Your sleep style indicates that you are likely highly creative in your waking life.
"People with an intensely high level of dream recall have something called 'thin borders,'" says James Pagel, M.D., director of the Sleepworks Laboratory in Colorado Springs, Colo. "That means that for them, everything is in shades of gray, there's not whole lot of black or white. They’re not purely Democrats or Republicans; they are not quite asleep or awake; and they define much of their lives in that way."
Such people tend to be odd and quirky—and although most are perfectly normal, they are at higher risk than others for schizophrenia."

What I'm trying to say is; make sure I don't get schizophrenia.

Sister Art

My mom needed me to make a gift for her sisters as they were having a sister's reunion/quilting extravaganza this weekend. I have been taking pictures of "letters" of the alphabet, as found in the world around me. Remember how Sesame Street does that for the letter of the day? These are their last names, and technically the letters should all be in one line for easier reading, but due to space and money limitations, this was the next best thing. See if you can figure out the letters. And if you want one for yourself, let me know and I can send you the files.

 

Cowley

Hatch

(The star is just a filler. You have any better ideas?)

 

Kellis

(When I was doing this project last minute, I realized I didn't have any Ks. So the K here was really an R, and I photoshopped out my brother and then cropped it to a K. O K?)

 

Moon

 

Shumway

Stringham

Warne

Oh, and the borders aren't necessarily the same width all the way around because I had to fit everything on an 8x10 fit. Printing larger than 8x10 can get pricey.

Broccoli and Blogs

I finally finished Rachael and Job's blog.

It took so long because 1.After hours and tears and broccoli induced gas (okay, so last part was TMI, and actually it had nothing to due with the overdueness of the blog, but it sounded cool at the time), I learned that you should not use Photobucket as an image host service. I used ImageShack, and once I did that, well the heavens were open my friends. It all had to do with the background, and if you want me to go into really long boring details, you can e-mail me and I will tell them to you, but I suggest you bring your own bowl of broccoli and ranch dip.

2. I played mommy this past week (remember, I'm bumming it at home) because the real parentals were in Missouri for my dad's father's funeral. Yes, my grandpa died. And no, as sad as it may seem, I'm not torn up by it because I never knew the man (my grandpa); and that is actually the real sad part of the story. The reason I didn't know him would be told if you follow instructions above (including the broccoli and ranch dip).

3. There is no #3 - design wise it's not the best to have only two items. Three always looks much better.

And because I know I left all of you in such a nose hanger awhile ago about what I was going to name my blog, I will tell it to you. I wanted to have a site designed to then surprise everyone, but I'm running into a roadblock with the design, so here it goes:

Le Blog Chef

Frenchy, right? Probably due to my love for pastries. I did appreciate all the entries and votes and in the end came up with something entirely different. Broccoli will do that to you.

Check out Rachael and Job's blog and then tell how I should design my own. Love you. Mean it.

Musings of the muse-less

I decided that really popular personal blogs have something in common - they are a tell-all of the person's life: including all their feelings, all their hardships, all their failures and all their everything. It really is reality television in the written word. I guess what I'm saying is I will probably never reach popular personal blog status. Not that I'm exactly trying, but let me tell you, my blog is not my life under a microscope. Although, I guess this statement is a move in that direction. That, or the big sign in the road that says "Dead End to Elissa's Deepest Thoughts." This epiphany occurred after reading NieNie. She is the lady that was in the plane crash and was burned over 80% of her body. After hearing rave reviews, I finally went to the blog. What I found interesting is that she was a "professional blogger" before the crash. If you've never been to her blog, you should check it out.

In less deep thoughts, I found this company: Pillow Tie. It's a tie that you can blow up (not like a bomb) to then act as a pillow. Based on the first and last picture, I think I may need to start incorporating ties into my wardrobe.

Gospel Irony

Audrey said today in Young Womens she had some really good comments and kept raising her hand but the teacher never called on her.

The lesson was on self-confidence.

Was it mean that I laughed after she told me this story?

Conspiracy? I Think So

I want to bring your attention to a trend that I believe is a conspiracy. A conspiracy for what? I'm not sure. I think the best kind of conspiracies are the ones that don't make sense.

The trend is this: out of all one hour dramas (not reality shows) on TV, how many are not crime fighting/doctor shows? I think we should go through the list.

Medical
Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
House
HawthoRNe
Royal Pains

Crime Fighting 
CSI
CSI: NY
CSI: Miami
The Mentalist
Medium
Blue Bloods
Hawaii 5-0
NCIS
NCIS: LA
Chuck
Chase
Undercovers (I think spy dramas definitely count as crime fighting, but I could be wrong)
Law and Order
Law and Order: SVU
Law and Order: Los Angeles
Law and Order: Criminal Intent
Law and Order: The Preschool Years (jk, just seeing if you're still reading)
Castle
Detroit 1-8-7
Bones
The Good Guys
Human Target
Lie to Me
Leverage
The Closer
Rizzoli and Isles
Dark Blue
Memphis Beat
Southland
White Collar
Burn Notice
Covert Affairs
Pysch
Out of Sight


These are the ones that as best to my knowledge do not fit into the above categories; Good Wife, The Event, Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters, No Ordinary Family (a family with super powers, I'm betting they'll probably do some crime fighting, but I can't say for sure), Fringe (I've actually never seen this, but I know it's sci-fi, let me know if it actually is crime fighting), Lone Star, Glee and Men of a Certain Age.

The Defenders, Outlaw and The Whole Truth are lawyer dramas, which I guess technically could count as "crime" fighting, but they're all brand new so I don't know for sure. 

All of these shows are from CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, TNT and USA networks. It's possible other networks have one hour dramas that don't fall into the above categories (I'm guessing Sci-Fi probably have some, and I know HBO and Showtime do, but we don't have/ever watch those channels so you'll have to do the research for me). Oh, and I just remembered the CW, which suprisingly looks like little to none of their shows are crime fighting/medical. I think they all fit under the category "drama fighting."

And this concludes this very informative/little use to survival post.

Y'all Are Peaches

A big shout out to all the supporting fans for the ideas/comments/feedback. I'm getting a better feel for what I should name my business, but like always, it will be a surprise! For those of you who did respond and want to take the risk of me designing something for you (which in no ways means you actually have to use it) please e-mail me at elissagator at gmail.com and tell me if there was anything you had in mind. You could send me links to blogs you like, tell me your color scheme, let me know if you wanted a more illustrated look or more photographic, what you envision your blog to look like, etc. That way, I'll have a good idea on how to customize your blog so it sings you better than a Hannah Montana song. Once again, I actually do appreciate it, and am excited to do this! (Insert picture of me smiling with two thumbs up).

Disclaimer: This free offer is exclusively for you, my already faithful readers. Please feel free to spread the word about my yet-to-be-named business, but have them e-mail me for an estimate. Thanks a bunch of grapes!

Help A Sister Out

In trying to get this blog thing going, I've decided to offer doing free blog makeovers to anyone who reads my blog. That way, I'll get a portfolio, and it will help with my boredom. Of course, if no one replies, then I'll take my request to the face book. I really need the practice.

Speaking of this blog thing, here are some name possibilities (for the business, of course):
Googly Eyes
Gator Blogs
Bedazzle My Blog (Joelle's)
Your Blog Really Sucks
The Spicy Hobo
Squealing Gnomes (okay, so it sounds like a torture site, but it's catchy, eh?)
Blog Spackle
Spunky Webster (Instead of Spunky Brewster, get it?)
Assile Inc.
Aisle 7-Cleaning Up Your Blogs
Blogomotive
Killer Graphic Blogs (KGB; Audrey thought of that one. Which I like the idea of KGB, but not so much the words "killer" and "graphic." Also, would people be offended when handed a business card that said KGB? This politically correct world is so confusing).
Emergency Makeover Services for Blogs (EMS; my initials)
Charlotte's Web and Blogging Design (I feel like part of that has been done before...)
Cucamonga Blog Designs (who doesn't love the name Cucamonga?)
Best Little Obnoxious Graphics (B.L.O.G.)
Give Me Money and I'll Design Something For You
Vlogdomort (or does that have bad vibes?)
Pay Off My College Loans

9.75/10 aren't particularly good, but I'm sitting here about to loose my mind and this seemed like the best way to convince it to stay. My mind, that is.

Contest! And A Slight Look at the New Blog! Yeah for Exclamation Marks!

I figured if I put an exciting title like that, maybe y'all would submit something. I'm completely serious about helping me figure out a name for my venture. Especially because...I just got a job offer to design a website! If you consider yourself a friend, you will prayerfully consider a name for me. If you consider yourself a cookie whore, you will submit the first random word that pops into your head. Maybe my business should be Cookie Whore... no, no, that was during college... See below post for prize opportunities. And God bless us, everyone.

Oh nutter butters, I can't stand it any longer. Yes, I have put my header up. I can't prolong it anymore. I need your opinions. Especially about what to do with the background. Validate me.

Oh Man

I am so very excited. I think I'm for sure going to go with this blogging thing. Since doing Joelle's header, I've been going crazy...making her buttons, signature, learning code. So we all know what this means. I need a legit business name. Perhaps Elissa Gator. But Elissa has a different spelling, so I don't want people getting frustrated just because they can't find me. It has to be creative. It has to be me. It probably shouldn't be along these lines. The only decent one I have so far is Googly Eyes. Although, I don't want anyone to think I'm a perverted peeper or anything. I think I shall have a contest. Post your ideas, even if they are phenomenally ridiculous. I don't know what the prize should be. Maybe these great cookie bars I concocted the other day. I'll mail wherever you are. Or you can request a certain cookie.

And heads up, because now that I'm done working on Joelle's, mine is moving along swimmingly and should shock and awe you one of these days. 

Pie Lady Take 2

So I made some changes on pie lady, namely her eyes, cheeks and mouth. What do you think? I then put her in this header design (yes, I made it, with my puppet friends). Any suggestions? Should I wear pearls when I bake as well?

Eat this Pie

Lesson learned when trying to be frugal and making your own illustrations: don't. It's far cheaper to just buy a stock illustration. Believe me. Unless, of course, that is your profession and you have a wacom tablet. The below illustration is something that yes, I created. The below illustration is something that took many moons and many moccasins to accomplish (thankfully, the Indian reservation doesn't know I've left). It is for a friend's blog, In The Kitchen Where I Belong (ITKWIB). She wanted a 50s retro woman. Here she is.

Yes, I know her face doesn't look quite right (she needs cheek bones and her mouth is wonky. Maybe womens' mouths were wonky back then anyway). Any other suggestions are welcome. And I will now be subscribing to istock.

Why I Read the Paper

Besides reading my scriptures, I am also a religious follower/reader of The Funnies a.k.a. The Comics. I think it may be the reason why I wanted to go into journalism in the first place. First I read the funnies, then I read the other news. Next to the funnies are the advice columns. They are ridiculous and stupid and give no sound advice That is why I started doing my own advice column on my blog, though I haven’t wrote a problem into myself for awhile. Ooops, what I meant to say: though I haven't answered problems written into me in awhile.  One day, there was this comic strip (not to be confused with prostitution, whore of the earth, or Jezzabell): 

Priceless.

And in case any of you were wondering; yes, I am still working on a total blog makeover. The current blog design is not my own, and for the next while my blog may appear to look like plastic surgery gone bad. One of these days there will be an audio bite of Ty Pennington from Extreme Home Makeover saying "Move that link!" Groaner. I'll think of something more fabulous.

My Mom. Can't Think of A Better Intro.

First, I decided I'm so embarrassed by my last post, that I needed to get a new one on here so that each time I open my blog I'm not blasted by...well whatever you want to call it. So what better way then to embarrass my own mother. Don't worry, there have been plenty of times when she's embarrassed me. And actually, both of us don't get embarrassed very easily (minus previous post).

When the movie about the Spice Girls came out (Spice World), my mom took a friend and me to go see it, purely to make fun of the movie (my friend and I didn't care too much for the group so we were down with going to make fun of them). In the movie during a dance seen, my mom got up and started dancing. In the theater. But I thought it was hilarious.

We have a family friend that is a cop and since he didn't work til later he would take his elementary school daughter to the bus stop in the morning, being the only dad there. One morning my mom showed up (the other bus moms didn't know her) dressed up in a robe, curlers in her hair and some blacked out teeth, holding my baby brother and yelled "Bobby, I can't believe you left me and lil' Billy here. What a scum bag you are!" She went on and on, horrifying him and the other bus moms. She's so cool.

She recently went to Washington D.C. and as we were looking through her pictures there was this one:

Me: "Mom, what are you doing in this picture?"
Mom: "Oh, that's Helen Keller so I'm pretending to be blind."
Me: "Right."

Dusty Eggs

I have been crushing hard on a certain semi-celebrity. This is Matt Bomer from USA's White Collar.

I'm not one to crush on celebrities. Maybe it's because my biological clock is ticking, my eggs are getting dusty and my body is telling me I need to find a man. I'm not sure why him. Well, despite that fact that he's ridiculously good looking. But he's waaaaaay out of my league, an actor who I'll never meet, and the final clincher, I'm pretty sure he's gay. (Apparently he's raising three kids with his partner Simon Hill, but there's not too much info about it out there). Hopefully now that I've posted this shameful admission (which I think has just demoted me back to teenage girl) I'll stop thinking about him altogether. But...probably not. Sigh.

Toll and a Troll

Just got done talking to my friend about career opportunities. She wants me to join the circus with her. If I were to join the circus we all know I'd be the "crazy sleeping lady" freak show. She said she'd be the bearded lady. The problem is, I don't know how to go about running away to join the circus. Brittany Spears had a circus, but I probably wouldn't want to join that freakish of a show. Then there is Barnum and Bailey, but they seem too main stream (as in "The Man" most likely is in charge).

"What about moving to Moab, Utah?" she said. Then I thought of the brilliant idea that we could make toll roads where people hike/dirtbike/whatever; they'd have to pay a toll before they could pass. Then she thought of the even more brillianter idea that we could have an ogre under the bridge that would charge even more. I agreed to be the ogre.

Moral of this post: next time you're down in Moab, take lots of money and ice cream to bribe the ogre who ran away from the circus (now there's an idea, running away from the circus instead of running to it).

Jump Around Jump Around Explanation

At our family reunion a month ago we have our annual Family Olympics. One of the events was the "long jump," although being the family we are, we changed the rules. Actually, we just wanted to see people get sand in their face (a big disgrace). And because I like documenting people getting sand in their face, I plumped myself in the sand and shot away. I put some of the best photos in a sequential layout, as shown in the post below (make it all one post you say, well I tried and the only conclusion I've come to is I don't like Blogger very much, and you're right Adrian, the colors are messed up. Sigh and ugh). Definitely click on the photos to get the larger picture (unfortunately, this larger picture won't show you the meaning of life).

Jump Around Jump Around

RUN

JUMP

TOUCH

SURF

DIVE

BREAK DANCE

If I Had Wings...

I have been researching the blogging world quite a bit lately. Reason being: I have become very discouraged with finding a job. And not just a job, but something that I might actually enjoy doing. You see, I graduated with a degree in art emphasizing in graphic design. But, the graphic design world that I've been introduced to gave me gross tastes in my mouth. So I've been trying to "figure out" what I want to do in my life. I'll spare all the boring details, but know that I've thought of many things, (including joining the Navy, but I don't think someone who fell asleep on watch during an attack would make it out of boot camp) but to no avail.

One such depressing afternoon led me to talk to my mother. She then had this brilliant and ingenious idea that I should become a professional blogger for businesses. This way, I'd be able to write, design and take pictures-three things which I love to do, but just didn't know how to combine them together. Now the hard part: finding businesses that will pay me to do all that. I probably wouldn't blog for the city's waste disposal center or an inspiring aspirin engraver. I was thinking business more along the creative side; i.e.: photographers, quilt shops, florists, painters of felines, etc. We figured if I had around 5 businesses sign onto my plan, I could actually start paying off my student loans, and perhaps save for a future pet alligator.

What I have found: wow. There is a lot more to blogging than I ever knew. It's intimidating and endless. It's creative and technical. It's not a plane or Superman. I don't know if I'm cut out of construction paper for this move. But I have the motivating factor that I don't want to become a substitute teacher for the rest of my life, even with a pet alligator. 

Design wise, here is a site that makes me gulp in awe and trepidation. The "Blog Fairy" designs blogs, and has an impressive portfolio to show for it.

I decided that to help my own pursuits, I need to blog more on my own blog. And probably do a complete design revamp. This means you may be subject to past pieces of creative writing I've done. There is the possibility that I may loose one of my fewer than 10 followers. But that's a risk I'm willing to take. Wish me luck, fellow bloggers, and any ideas are welcome; including how big an alligator pond for a residential neighborhood needs to be.

Eggo my Logo

A dear old friend from Georgia asked if I could help make a logo for her photography business. Of course I said "Heck Yes!" After much time of font browsing and logo brainstorming, I came up with this little baby (actually, I came up with a lot more, but this is the one she chose). Check out her new site with new logo! Weller Image Specialist

Thai Chimichangas

I was in a "let's mix up cultures for dinner" mode and decided to mix some of my two favorite: Chinese and Mexican. After all is said and done, I know this basically isn't mind-blowing original, but it sure was yummy!

And yes, I know my food photography is right up there with Martha Stewart Magazine and Adrian Parkinson, so don't be jealous (my secret: a cell phone camera. Amazing).

Thai Chimichangas With Peanut Sauce
Makes 7 (so figure out your own proportions)
2 breasts boneless chicken, cubed and cooked
1 zucchini shredded
2 carrots shredded or sliced
1 bell pepper sliced
Green Onions or Half a yellow onion
1/2 c. cilantro (I didn't have cilantro tonight, but I'm sure it would taste fabulous)
Flour Tortillas

Peanut Sauce (this I can't take credit for, I found it on Food Network)
1/4 cup Peanut butter
2 Tbp. Soy Sauce
2 Tbp. Oil
1 Tbp. Rice Vinegar
1 Tbp. Sesame Seeds
Sprinkle of Basil and Curry and whatever else fancies you

Sauté veggies (except cilantro). You can either mix the chicken with the veggies, or if you're anal, you can separate them, just make sure the peanut sauce gets on everything. Including your lips. Place in flour tortilla, fold like a chimichanga, and either deep fry or do what I did and place a thin layer of oil on your pan and just brown the chimichanga. Serve with rice and fortune cookies.

Some other thai flavors that would be good in it: shredded coconut, lemon grass, dog.