Prodigal Hanky Dion

I know, the prodigal blogger writer returns. For my feast I would be okay with roast lamb, but only if it was on some gyros. Those are Greek yumminess, in case you didn’t know.

No, I have not been sleeping in a pig pen (in regards to being a prodigal blog writer). But here's a run down on my life so far. My aunt said that she would give me and/or her daughter (who is a year younger) $100 if we got married this school year. She said her and my mom are sick of their sisters having all these grandkids. Then she told her other daughter who is 18 and going to be attending BYUI in the fall that if she helps she gets a $50 finders fee.

I told my mom who said she would also pay the $100 and another $50 finders fee for Courtney (the 18 year old). On Sunday she held someone’s grandbaby and almost called me to raise it to $200, but against her better (or worse?) judgment she didn’t. So I'm sure if anyone out there wants to help find me a husband my mom and aunt would also pay you $50. Or if you want to be my husband you could get half my booty. Er, as in the money. Although I guess if we got married what's mine is yours and vice versa. Enough of that.

The first weekend I was done with school (can I get a witness?) I went to my roommate’s house in Preston, Idaho. She was leaving on a mission to Portugal and wanted me to come to her farewell. It was a lot of fun. The only thing that irritated me was when we went to a July 24^th firework show (Preston is so close to Utah they join in the pioneer day festivities) and the last song of the night was “God Bless America”. I have no problems with God blessing America. I hope He does. Unless we all turn wicked, but ask Ether about that.

The problem I have is when they play that song sung by someone like Celine Dion. Hello! She’s French Canadian! I said that too. Out loud. So the people in the stands who were enjoying a patriotic night looked at me. I’m sorry, but I must stand for truth and righteousness. Celine Dion singing that song is not truth or righteous. However, I love her “All By Myself” song. I think it helps represent the French Canadians very well. To honor Celine, I’ll include songs that she has sung (will show up italicized).

I then proceeded Monday morning to travel down to Utah where I would fly home to Cali the next day. Come to find out, my flight was Monday morning, not Tuesday. I should have listened closer to the lyrics of “Don’t Save it All for Christmas Day” Maybe then I would have not flaked my life like dandruff. Thankfully, they didn’t just keep all the money and let me apply my ticket cost to another ticket. So I flew out that night.

Little did I know my whole family had gotten the stomach flu. “I Feel Too Much” I told my mother. But I never did get sick. But I felt like I was going to get sick so I just acted that way. Without the vomiting of course. I think it’s all about “The Prayer”. Without faith, I would have for sure gotten sick.

Sunday it was off to Arizona for my Grandma’s birthday and an unofficial family reunion. Being amongst all that family I thought to myself “These are the Special Times”. Especially because Grandma sent all the grandkids to the Marriott hotel. She only said “No Hanky Panky” (not a C.D. song, but if it was, I bet she’d put her skinny little arm in and her skinny little arm out and her skinny little arm in and shake it until it fell off all about).

The only hanky panky we committed was making a midnight trip to In N Out. The panky part came when we handed the drive through girl a pass a long card and she gave us a dirty look (don’t worry, I’ve been off my mission far too long, remember how old I am, to think of that on my own. It was my cousin who has only been home for 2 month’s idea). At least she didn’t say to us “Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi” because I’m pretty sure that’s French Canadian and I have no clue what it means. I bet if Celine were there she could translate. But I also bet Celine wouldn’t have gotten a double double animal style.

Friday I drove back up to Utah (hey, the state you’re in!) in a long car ride. We finished the last hour of a book on tape written by an LDS author who probably went to hair school (cheesy romance fiction with tons off ADD tangents. Hmmm, maybe I should have gone to hair school). In between falling asleep I think I caught the main character saying things like “No Living Without Loving You,” and “Listen to the Magic Man.” I didn’t know that Celine went to the same hair school as the author. Then we listened to another book on tape, also written by an LDS author, but it was much better because it was a historical fiction about an oppressed Scottish royalty maiden during the 1700s and a horse named “Naked”. Okay, there were horses, but they weren’t part of the story, hence I don’t really know their names. But I bet there have been horses in history with that name.

And so here I have been ever since. And here I will be until Tuesday. At which point I will then travel to California. At which point I will come back to Utah after some days. At which point I will go back up to Rexburg. But through all of this, remember- My Heart Will Go On. And that sometimes Blogger is dumb and I can't get these dadgum lines off. Sorry.