Fun Things To Do At A Museum

Did you miss me? I was house watching/living in a friend's house that didn't have internet. Nobody knows the troubles I've seen.

Tomorrow I'm going to the Getty Museum with my single's ward. The art nerd in me is super excited. I've been before, but it was five years ago. I wanted to have some sort of fun activity (like a scavenger hunt) once there, but I couldn't find any.

Instead, I made up my own (with some ideas from my brother, Trenton). Here is my list of fun things to do at a museum. I recommend doing almost none of them, but I'll let you know if I'm stupid enough to try them out. 

1. Two people pretend to speak a foreign language or have a deep accent of some sort and argue over a piece of art. Use lots of hand motions. 

2. Look at a painting inquisitively for a really long time then suddenly jump up, clap and say “I get it!” Look very pleased with yourself. Works best with simple art, like a picture of a fruit bowl.

3. Ask a guard/curator “Where is the 21st Century Plumbing Exhibit?” (a.k.a, where is the bathroom).

4. Re-enact a scene from a painting next to the painting. Hold still for as long as possible. Please keep clothes on if scene happens to have nudes.

5. Pretend to be a tour guide. Try to get strangers in your group. Make up believable stories about each piece.

6. Take a painting off a wall and see what happens. Just don’t do it in my presence and make sure someone video tapes it.

7. Go up to someone looking at a piece and while whispering tell them you know it’s a fake, but the FBI doesn’t take your calls anymore. Look paranoid and shift your eyes. Tell them to spread the word, and then disappear as quickly as possible.

8. Pretend to be an art student replicating a painting. Except use your iPad, sketch app and finger.
9. Tell people you’ve lost your seeing-eye ferret. Bump into things. Not statues. Or Greek vases.

10. Tell guards you’re blind and have to touch every painting to “see” it.

11. Ask a guard if he has a lighter for your cigarette.

12. Only converse through song lyrics. This has nothing to do with a museum, but sounds entertaining.

13.Talk to a piece of art as if it were talking to you. Ask others around you what the art seems to be saying to them. Act like the art offended you and walk away.

14. Acting official, go around telling visitors you are taking a survey of their experience. Ask them if they have had any feelings of nervousness, dizziness, headaches, or strong urges to urinate, etc.

15. Survey option #2: Ask questions that have nothing to do with the museum. Like what their feelings are about dogs vs. cats. Nod in interest and mark on random piece of paper.

16. Using your phone or iPod, go up to the information desk and show them pictures from the internet of art you think the museum should acquire. Throw in a couple of pieces by kindergarteners.

17. Stand in front of a painting, then go limp and close your eyes. Start to shake and pretend the spirit of the dead artist has embodied you (think Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost). Rant about the lack of understanding people have about your piece. Call other famous artists cheats and imitators. Start painting in the air.

18. Pretend to be a spy meeting an informant for the first time. Go up to a stranger and say something crazy like: “At what time will the rooster leave the coop?” When they look at you funny, ask them if they are (make up name), then tell them your whole conversation never happened and they shouldn’t tell anyone. Their life depends on it.

19. Randomly turn around, take someone’s palm and read their future. Then apologize for your psychic visions.

Any great ideas to add to this list?