1) Are you a fan of Michael Vick? If yes, get a cat. A dog would get you time in the slammer.
2) Did you watch Steve Irwin growing up? If so, that's really creepy. What were you, his Aussie neighborhood stalker, watching him from birth to fame? Get no pets.
3) After watching Finding Nemo did you a) flush your fish down the toilet or b) want to join a "Fish are Friends Not Food" club ? If you picked a, get a pelican. If you picked b, find a friend who can talk to whales but forgets your name and call her your Squishy.
4) When you see someone pushing a stroller, do you shriek with delight to find they're pushing dogs and not babies? If yes, get a bear. You need a reality check.
5) Do you like to paint? Follow my friend Bob Ross and get a pet squirrel.
6) Do you tend to tell stories that aren't true? A dodo bird is right up your alley.
7) Are you annoyed with life in general? Then I'm sure you already have plenty of pet peeves.
Maybe I should write surveys for a living. I'd make bank.
