Because Newsletters are the Only Thing I Ever Write Anymore

Thank you to Sarah, for the awesome lesson on chastity today. Moral of the morals: don't play baseball (as in don't even get to first base) and don't let your boobs hang out (as bluntly stated by Melanie). Speaking of celibacy, when I went on my mission my non-member grandfather asked my mom if I was becoming a nun. She said "she just can't date on her mission, but when she gets home she can get married." To which my grandfather replied: "Well you know what they say about nuns, they didn't get nun, they ain't getting nun, and they ain't ever going to get nun." He was from Missouri. 

Speaking of being from Missouri, I think we should celebrate our celibate lives more. In case you didn't know what to celebrate each day of this week, I've researched to find out some holidays you probably don't know about. And no, I actually didn't make these up, because let's be honest, my daily holidays probably would have been a lot cooler. Like Sunday was national Senior Citizen's Day. Bring gifts for the bishopric. 

Monday: FHE 7 p.m. Woodruff Building. Today is national Be An Angel Day. The Phantom wanted Christine to be an angel of the night, but I think that's pushing the bounds of the law of chastity.

Tuesday: Volleyball 8 p.m. Woodruff Building. Today is National Spongecake Day. Bake someone a spongecake. Or, if you're feeling really creative, bake them a Sponge Bob. 

Wednesday: Today is national Get Your Visiting Teaching Done Day. Enough said. 

Thursday: Institute starts up again, 7 p.m., at Institute Building Today is national Kiss and Make Up day. In keeping with our "no baseball" policy, I'm changing it to national Cordially-Shaking-Hands-While-Parents-Watch and Make Up Day. 

Friday: Today is Woman's Equality Day. Go figure, I learned something while doing this email. Today celebrates the 19th amendment of the Constitution, giving women the right to vote. Until actually voting begins, take an internet poll to determine who wore it better: The Chiquita Banana Lady or Carmen Miranda. 

Saturday: Baptism of Whitney! 11 a.m., Rancho Stake Center (that'd be the one on Etiwanda). Global Forgiveness Day. In case you're having trouble forgiving that special enemy, look at this site and you'll even want to hug your nemesis. 

Sunday: Choir Practice 12 p.m. Woodruff Building. Today is Race Your Mouse Around the Icons on Your Computer Screen Day. Told you I didn't make these up. 

Please remember to keep bringing in those school supplies. 

Whew. I hope you appreciate how much I have just educated you all. And I humbly accept that August be deemed National Elissa is Awesome Month. You shouldn't have.