The Randomness

Yes, I copied and pasted from Facebook. But because some of you don't visit it, or have even deleted it off so that people couldn't google you, for your viewing pleasure I've included it here.


1. This is not a random list, because let's face it, I was born random. Good news is my parents knew they were having me. Bad news, they weren't told it would be random.

2. I hold a ham radio license. My call sign is KG6CCF. That would be said "Kilo Golf 6 Charlie Charlie Foxtrot." I have not used a ham radio in over 8 years. Good thing it doesn't spoil in the fridge like regular ham.

3. For those of you who know of my sleeping phenomenons, here is another. I was taking a nap at home alone while I was in high school. There was a knock on the door that woke me up. I answered. It was a man selling milk. He would come by once a week and leave how many ever gallons of milk on your door. Kind of like the old days. He asked if I was the woman of the house. Seeing how I was alone, I said I was, because technically I was. He asked me how many gallons I thought I would need, and I told him there were 8 in my family. He said "6 children?" I nodded. His eyes got big in amazement and then said "let me shake the hand of the woman who has had 6 children and still looks so young and good." I didn't deny it. Now I did end up signing my mom's signature saying I wanted 4 gallons of milk, I think twice a week. Needless to say, my parents weren't happy when at 5am Monday morning 4 gallons of milk were left on the doorstep. And that is why I blame my sleeping. I was in no state to make lucid decisions regardeing milk. And to this day, I never make decisions about milk when I just wake up. Sheesh- this should have counted as 5 elissa things.

4. I somewhat enjoy watching Hannah Montana. Don't tell her evil twin Hannah Nevada.

5. I once tried to make raisins out of grapes by standing outside on a hot day holding a plate of grapes towards the sunlight. I got bored and never fufilled the mission.

6. Both my parents have brown hair, so when I came out the milk man was questioned.(*Apparently 'the milk man' would come back into my life. See item #3.) Guess you could say it was a random act of God. (See 'random' in item #1).

7. When I was 10 we moved to a bigger house with a 1/2 acre backyard. In southern California that is considered horse property. I begged my parents for a horse. I got one for Christmas.

8. The horse I got for Christmas in item #7 was plastic.

9. I was devastated the Christmas in items #7 and #8.

10. Because my birthday is after school gets out in June, I never got "kidnapped" by my friends. This includes being dressed up in mismatched clothes and having wacky makeup applied in not so beautiful patterns. Being the jealous being I am, I kidnapped myself on the last day of my freshman year and did the above kidnapping routine. This was not a random kidnapping.

11. I was once 11. But only for a year.

12. I was kissed by a boy in kindergarten. His lips were cursed by an evil witch as no other lips have been upon mine. Except my family. Even evil witches can't control that.

13. When I was in fourth grade I wanted to become an archeologist. That idea went extinct.

14. I once attempted to make pumpkin fudge and due to unforseen measures there was a chemical reaction that made the fudge so hard we had fun karate chopping it afterwards. There were only minor injuries.

15. I've had a CAT scan. It was not (as many of you are thinking) of my head, although the machine did have a quaint purring to it. Entirely intriguing.

16. When it is pitch black outside I walk rather tenatively for fear that my foot might become encased in unknown substances leading to an untimely death which would be far from random. So I guess that would be considered farrandomed.

17. In the 7th grade I watched an episode of X-files where some crazy with long fingers came through people's vents and ate their liver then hung them on the wall. Ever since I have been terrified of vents and case out the vents of any given building I enter.

18. Many of you know I served a mission in Georgia. Many of you also know I have a rather random obbsession with alligators. Many of you don't know I smuggled one home. His name was Alpert. He didn't survive the flight. He was (as I later found out) allergic to peanuts.

19. I have a dog named Captain Jack Sparrow. Only occasionally does he bring in wenches from the island bars.

20. I have forseen the future. It said I would finish this blasted thing.

21. Instead of telling a woman to have a nice day, I invited her to have a nice day. I invite you to do the same. Please RSVP beforehand though.

22. I lived on an island off the coast of Seattle where we had our own private beach. I never saw Jeff Probst.

23. I have taken up quilting. My loan shark said it's not very profitable. I beg to differ. And when I'm with him, I really do beg.

24. I fell asleep (wait, I'm getting to the good part) once while singing a hymn in church. But we were standing up. So I literally fell asleep. Right back onto the bench.

25. My sister wants to use the computer right now. What's abnormal is that she isn't bowing down to me. When will she learn?

26. My little brother thinks that Tom Cruise and Harrison Ford are having a love affair. According to him, a mountain man named Jim Bridger carries a picture of the two of them in bikinis slapping each other's butts. My little brother is not related to me.

27. I decided to do a #27, just so my mother could say "I thought it was only 26."

THE END

What? So it's been awhile

Okay, after some requests, I've decided to come back from my hiatus of non bloggerness. I was going to have a picture of these sunflower cupcakes I made, but the friend never uploaded them. What I'm trying to say is... I sure don't have a whole lot. But, so that you won't be completely in utter despair, I'll post part of my letter aka story that I wrote to my cousin and friend who are both on missions. I get really bored of writing the same boring things, so when in doubt- make it up. Of course that also happened on the mission during the weeks we didn't have lots of people trying to kill us I'd make up stories to send home. The best is when they believed them. But I don't except you to believe the below, just hope. The reason it has a love theme, if you can call it a love theme is because when I was on a mission my dear friend Shaniqua (names have been changed to protect Adrian) would write about her crazy love life and my companion and I would always wait for our Mormon soap opera fix. So I’ve just decided that despite my lackness of a love life, I’ll just make one up.


It was a dark and stormy night as I forced myself to drive down to single’s branch FHE. That’s right- forced. The ones that go with a happy face usually are the ones that have something wrong with them. But let’s not get into politics- this is a love story- not a political statement. Although I may or may not make one. Back to the star crossed fateful night. My thoughts were racing as I went into the building. Did I really enjoy dinner that night? What time would I go to bed? Did I feel like writing a missionary anytime soon? Needless to say, when I ran into Horatio, the impact sent the anxiety filled thoughts flying like butterflies during migration season.
“Uh, hello” I nervously said with my face in a scrunch trying to figure out why this boy, no man, had chosen to run into me at that particular moment.
“Why hello!” His cheerful greeting caught me off guard. If I were an actually guard, I probably would have dropped my sword. So metaphorically I dropped my sword. “It’s so good to see you here at FHE… Elissa.” Did he really call me by my name, or was I conjuring up sounds that resembled my name from his voice? Not only was Horatio the elder’s quorum president, he had also served a mission where he had been instrumental in opening up some communist controlled tribe in the harsh land of Africa. He had dark brown hair that complemented his dark brown eyes- intriguing eyes. A set of perfectly set pearly white teeth that had not been the result of braces (he happened to be born perfect) smiled underneath a nose that was sculpted as if from the hands of Michelangelo.
After my eyes popped back into my head from drinking in this tall glass of purified water, I said the only thing I could come up with at the moment “Yes, here I am. At FHE. Bumping into you. Not that I came here to bump into you…er” My voice trailed off as did all my self confidence that this conversation was going anywhere but the history books.
He laughed. One of those laughs that sound like the angels of heaven are playing their celestial sounds and projecting it through the mouth of this, this, this, Horatio. No other words could state it quite like the sound. “Well, we’re playing steal the bacon and I was wondering if you would like to be my partner?” His partner? Life partner, no, eternal partner? Of course. I just had to call my mom and tell her grandchildren would be arriving within the next two years, after a beautiful temple wedding of course.
“As long as you can bring home the bacon, I’ll gladly be your partner.” Really? Did I really just suggest to him that he could provide for me past this dumb FHE game?
“Oh, so we have a funny one in the building.” Still the smile, I guess I didn’t botch my eternal prospective after all. And there we were- two people of averaging heights with different interests and different cars with different mpg s going into the cultural hall like we were arriving to our reception. He probably didn’t notice the lemon filled butter cream cake with the rotating glass couple on top. Or the little girls in matching periwinkle dresses with puffed out sleeves attending the guest book (made by the oldest lady in the ward, complete with rick rack borders). His eyes missed the sparse filled table with wilted vegetables because we decided to pay tithing rather than have fancy food. No matter, we were going to play steal the bacon, except not steal, because that’s a commandment not to, but we were going to be hand in hand for the rest of the night.
And then the electricity went out.

This is where I then sent out the letters. Give 'em something to look forward to. But honestly, I'm not feeling the cheesy mormon love story thing, so I might change to adventure or science fiction. Then again, people love those genres, so in a way everything is a love story. Which reminds me, before I stop my eternal rambling, I was at Panda Express today and my fortune cookie said "You will make many changes before settling down happily." Hope none of those changes involve plastic surgery or anything...

Us

Here we are- the sister missionaries of the Georgia Macon Mission. We had a mission reunion the Thursday of conference. Top L-R: Allison Moyes, Rachel Redman, Shannon Van Patten, Jaimi Stokes, Melissa Nickel, Elissa Stewart. Bottom: Eileen Seavers Thorpe, Heidi Bailey, Rebecca Carter, Brooke Wilson, Leslie Orme.

Ode to Kristie Gatewood

I met a girl named Kristie
She was giggly and somewhat frisky
She laughed at my jokes
Sent me facebook pokes
And broke lots of hearts of handsome young blokes
Now she's going to serve the Lord in Salt Lake City
A mission for 18 months, her we don't pity
Because she'll be amazing
Like wild zebras grazing
Until a lion comes and pounces on the weakest one while the rest run for their lives into the African grasslands that maybe one day I'll see.
So for her I've updated my blog one last time
Before she leaves me all her nickels and a dime
And I was going to put an animated eternal flame
But I got fed up with the internet, shame on my name

To the Tree! To the Tree!

The title has nothing to do with the actual post- it is just reminiscent of of a child hood book I used to read about a dog party in a tree. But on to bigger things- my family came to Bear Lake and I met them down there and then we drove up to Rexburg/Idaho Falls so they could help my cute little brother Mitch move in to college. At Bear Lake we rode on a six person bike contraption, which in the hands of a 10 year old boy steering can be very dangerous. No worries- I survived. We also went down to the actual lake and made a huge clay ball. Sad to say we did not use it as mud masks or even bring it home with us. But we brought back memories. Yadda yadda yadda. And of course we had to get some nice pics by the falls and by the Rexburg Temple. Aren't families great! And forever, of course...




Audrey is engulfing a yacht. It did later on cause indigestion. Whew!

I've got the whole world, I mean clay, in my hands...


Tanner is holding a boat in his hand. Pretty sweet!Of course I had to show Stewarts in true fashion. You could say Tanner was kissing the temple grounds. Or you could call him refusing to get up until Mom said he was her favorite child (true story).

Southern Women

My dearuh friend Rachel Dean sent this to me and I absolutely luhved it!

SOUTHERN WOMEN

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:
'Yes, ma'am.'
'Yes, sir.'
'Why, no, Billy!'
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
'Y'all come back!'
'Well, bless your heart.'
'Drop by when you can.'
'How's your Momma?'
Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity
Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick
Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint
Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football
Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit , and that you don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up 'a mess.'
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder.'
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'directly' is, as in: 'Going to town, be back directly.'
Even Southern babies know that 'Gimme some sugar' is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table
All Southerners know exactly when 'by and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference
between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.' They also know that 'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, .. and when we're 'in line,'. We talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear some one say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea' and 'sweet milk.' Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. 'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say ,'Bless her heart' ... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads 'I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.'
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!

If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.

Vacation!

For the hundreds of you who take time to read my blog (cough, cough, yeah right) I have been on vacation for basically a month. Went to Utah to visit some peeps, then down to Phoenix area to help my grandma celebrate her 80th birthday. Wow! Then home to California for a week and finally back up to Rexburg. I picked up my wonderful friend Rachel Dean (who I haven't seen in 2 years) and we caught up. While I was in Utah I went to an old mission comp's wedding reception. So I'm including those pictures as well. Happy day. Hope you enjoy my playlist. I'm open to suggestions. I'm including pictures, but the thing is struggling right now, so hold on to your ant eaters and I'll get 'em soon enough
There were really 80 candles on the cake

All the grandkids/their spouses and their kids

Steve, Me, Shannon Van Patten, Brooke Devey "Wilson", Rachel Redman

Leslie Orme, Melissa Nickel, Me, Rachel Redman


Rachel Dean and I in front of the beautiful Rexburg temple