The Case of the Missing Ben and Jerry's. (Unsolved)

I have a mystery to write to you. Last week, because it was my birthday, I decided to buy myself some Ben and Jerry’s Oatmeal Cookie Chunk ice cream. It’s their best kind. Seriously. You should get someone to buy it for you. I bought it Sat. night. (You getting down these details?).

At approximately 12:30a.m. I decided to be sinful because it was technically my birthday and have a couple of bites. So I did as I was meandering about the internet. Now here is where it gets tricky. I specifically remember restraining myself from eating all of it (even though it was so way yummy), and closing the lid. I then thought I put it back in the freezer.

The next day was Sunday. It wasn’t dark and stormy, so that doesn’t help set a mysterious mood for my mystery, but you can pretend like it was. I went to church at 9 a.m. I returned home at 12:20. (Only because the last speaker went over by 15 mins). I did visiting teaching. I laid down to take a nap. I woke up yearning for that sweet escape in its Ben and Jerry’s container. I walked to the freezer.

And it was gone.

Frantically, I searched through the freezer, calling its name so it would come to its momma. No such luck. The fridge, of course, I thought, then desperately guided my sorrowful hands amidst the leftovers and other perishable food. Talk about perishable. I was about to perish, for it was not in their either. My heart sank as I realized I must have thrown it away. Carefully, as obsessed as I was in finding it, I wasn’t too obsessed to take out all the contents of the trash, but I searched through our trash.

Still, nothing.

Cupboards, oven, microwave, under the bed covers, drawers, closet, bathroom, backpack.

Still, nothing.

It was time I profiled possible suspects. I had to confront the roommates. One by one I questioned them in a sunlit room with the light on overhead not making that big of an intimidation statement. They all said no. They said if they did take it they would have told me. Were the lying? I secretly searched through their bedroom trash.

Still, nothing.

Was my purchase so divine that I dreamed it in my head? It couldn’t have been, I remember the smooth texture of cinnamon ice cream gently welcoming itself into my mouth. The softened chunks of oatmeal cookie that I so tenderly chewed so as not to get a brain freeze. Chocolate pieces of heaven being rescued from the spoon by my tongue. No, it had not been a dream. It was as real as alligators in a swamp. And the reality was, it was still gone, and nothing could bring it back.

The truth was before my eyes. But I didn’t want to admit it. My beloved frozen love was cheating on me. It had run away to the neighbors to be with their popsicles. Did I have evidence? No, some things you just have a gut feeling about. I just hope that it’s happy. Wherever it may be. Such a story never was, that of the love between an ice cream and a 98.6 degree human being. Human girl.

The moral of the story; you misplace keys and pairs of socks, and occasionally kitchen sinks, but never a carton of ice cream. And so I hope you never have to experience such pain and misery.

Until next time, I bid thee ado.

From our Strange World:

This found at BBC news:

'Stoned wallabies make crop circles'

Australian wallabies are eating opium poppies and creating crop circles as they hop around "as high as a kite", a government official has said.

It Is Here.

For you complete enjoyment and fulfillment of all you wildest fantasies- I give you... PAPYRUS.




Now go find the socks that were blown off.

Riding with Cool and the Gang. Or just me.

It's 10:30 Saturday night in Rexburg. You have no date, no roommates home, and the labs are closed so you can't work on homework. It's raining. And dark.

Perfect. Sounds like time for cartrails.

These images were taken from my car with me driving. Mind you, I set the camera up on a tripod that wraps around stuff, so it wrapped around the head of the passenger seat. I put in on self time and had the shutter go for 15-20 seconds. Then I'd just push the button and drive around. This was my first attempt, but some were pretty cool. After, when I was showing my FHE sisters, one of them said "Wow. It makes it look like there's fun stuff to do in Rexburg". That, indeed it does.





This is what it looked like when Micheal J. Fox was going Back to the Future. Me, I was just going Back to the Apartment.


I turned the camera towards my back window instead of my front. I wonder if cars that were behind me could see a huge camera being pointed at them and what they thought. In reality, who cares what they thought. They're just sad their faces didn't show up in the picture.

Goodness Goodness

Love is:
Ben and Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie Chunk.
Lust is:
Ben and Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie Chunk at 12:33 am

At the speed of light

What can I say? I think I might be in love. Or obsessed. Or just crazy. Okay, everyone will probably agree I'm just crazy. I'm very intrigued (oh that word means more than some of you know) with light photography. And because it's been raining for the last year and a half here, heck we even got hail today (Or should I have said hail we even got hail today), it's a little cumbersome to go outside (unless you're into that sort of thing- which sometimes I am). I rigged up my own little black studio on the empty bed next to me (two semesters running without having a room roommate by no intention on my part- one of the Bishopric said it's because the Lord want me to have an eternal roommate, don't know what that's supposed to mean. Horatio?). And then I played. As one of my art teachers said today, artists are people who never grow up (Let's not be reminded of growing up, especially on say, June 21. I got to stop with the tangents. Or not). That is all. (or is it).


I call this one black and white. Maybe I should be more technical and call it the absence and presence of all color. Maybe it would sell more if it got in a gallery. That's a funny.



I call this Rocket Raku. Because it is a raku piece I just made. And it's about to take off. Can't you see the rocket fuel igniting?

On another side note- I think what I really want to do in life is to name stuff. Like lipstick colors, or paints, or people could hire me to title their art work. Seriously- what a fun job. Who is going to question Cabbage Patch Baby Puke Green if you were hired to name it. And it's one of the oldest jobs, Adam was given the assignment to name all the animals. Although I don't think he got paid. Okay I'm done. (or am I).

Train's A Coming (So Are Aliens)

I'm in a photographics society and the next contest is on night and lights. Feeling inspired, I hauled up my camera and roommate Madison (although she walked, I didn't have to do too much hauling when it came to her) and drove out to the creepy fields of outer Rexburg. It was about 10 o'clock p.m., so it was actually still fairly light outside, all things consdering (Rexburg summers are aweome for just that reason- they don't get dark until really late).

But it got dark pretty fast. These aren't necessarily contest winner material- but they were fun. We were going to do some more by the silos- but then we heard some people talking and I just got too creeped out. Like Madison said when we first got there- it was a perfect scene for the opening of CSI- we were sure to find a dead body in that shed. Or become one...

This shot was taken when we first got to the scene- it was actually much darker than that but I put it on like a 30 second exposure so it picked up enough light to make it look like morning. But it wasn't. It was dark. Because it was nighttime.

This is me (Madison is behind the camera) with a 15 second exposure. Don't ask what the squiggly lines were- I was trying to look more extra terristrial than I already am.

I call this one "I'm Gonna Get You". Because it totally looks like the alien is running after the camera person so they dropped the camera on the ground. Don't worry- no cameras were hurt in the making of these pictures. Only feelings.



These were fun. They just took awhile to figure out everything. My car right is next to the tracks (my fear of trains hitting cars just wouldn't let me put it all the way on. Thanks, Blackshear), and the person laying down would take a LED light and "rope" themselves down. The last couple of seconds we would look like a train was coming and turn on the car lights for 1 second. So much fun. Thankfully- no trains came.
I call this "Madison just died and her spirit is leaving her body". Obviously not.

This is me. I wasn't as good as Madison. My rope is so loose I could totally slip out if it really were rope. Let's just call it a force field. Or say that I'm so claustrophobic that I cannot even pretend to have myself tied down even if it's only lights.

Oh, and even though this was purely amazing- this is not what you are going to need new socks for. Maybe new underwear if the alien picture scared you that much- but not new socks. That is still coming. Like the midnight train to Georgia.

No Worries

Some have been concerned that it's the new iphone. Pish Posh. It's way better. It's almost complete too. I'd say one more week. It's an utter masterpiece in the making. I'm telling you- buy new socks.

Oh man.

It's coming. Soon. Your socks will be b-l-o-w-n a-w-a-y. I would buy new socks now. To prepare.

Finally, my Georgia Trip

So I'm kind of a lame-0 and finally got around to posting some stuff from my Georgia trip. I blame my procrastination on my space bar problems (see couple posts down to understand). That and I wanted to edit some of the photos. They didn't all get edited, but whatever. This is a blog, not my portfolio. Although there are some great edited Georgia pics on my portfolio website. More about that later.

First off, it was obviously pretty amazing. I want to live there. For real. I'll just have to invest in some great bug protection (for myself and wherever I'll live-palmetto bugs (nice euphemism for COCKROACHES) and I don't really get along). And the people there are just, well southern. I don't know many more words to describe it. It's a good thing though. And these pics aren't in any darn tootin order. Just the order that I please. And that's southern too.


For sure one of the highlights of my trip- seeing Janet Felosi, the first girl I got to see baptized. She drove from Atlanta to Augusta just so she could see us. We're trying to get her to go on a mission. Or move out west. Or both.

Kylia Weller- the 5 year old who when she saw me ran up to me and said "Sis Stewart, I missed you so much!" It's good to know that 5 year olds remember you (and miss you) even though it's been over a year. Savannah, GA.

Cindy Vogel (aka The German) and Rachel. Martinez, GA.

Here is the biggest oak tree I've ever seen. This picture doesn't even do it justice. You can drive trucks underneath the branches. Talk about the coolest tree house ever! Savannah, GA.

This is a little out of order. This is one of my best friends, Rachel Dean, from Birmingham, Alabama. I made a stop to see her on my way to Georgia and it was so well worth it. Here we are at the Purple Onion, her favorite place for gyros. I've been hearing about these things since we were college freshman way way back in the day, so obviously I had to go to experience it for myself. And I wasn't disappointed. Even if I was, Rachel would probably cut me for being disappointed, so I would never say I was. But for real, I wasn't.

Me, Heidi Bailey, Rachel Redman, Sis Fraraccio and Michael. Martinez,GA.

Rachel and Amanda at Amanda's semi-bachorlette party. I was going to jump out of a cake, but it just didn't seem appropriate. Okay, actually they just didn't have any cakes for me to jump out of or I totally would have. Martinez, GA.

Back in Savannah- Wormsloe Historic Place. This guy named Wormsloe (bet he got teased as a kid) had this huge plantation back in the glory days of the South and for his "driveway" he planted like hundreds of oak trees in a lining either side of the drive. Over the years they have gotten bigger and grown at the top to meet the other side for this beautiful canopy of oak with of course spanish moss hanging ever so southernly. Savannah, GA

Here is a view of the drive. It goes on for quite awhile, you can kind of tell from this picture, but not really. Once again, pictures don't do this justice. It is breathtaking. You. Just. Don't. Even. Know. Unless you've been there, of course. But probably not. Double click to enlarge to make it feel like you're there. Sorry, they don't have computer sensory technology for us poor folks so you won't be able to smell or feel. It smelled good and it felt warm and sticky.

Some more awesome greeness of Georgia. You can look, but there are no alligators in the water. I checked. When I was there. But there weren't. So sad. Savannah, GA.

COOLEST CEMETARY EVER. Bonadventure in Savannah. If you can call cemetaries cool, which I think I just did, so in fact yes, you can call them cool. It's cool because it is just so darn old. So there is a lot of overgrown vegetation, but the cemetary is still well taken care of. It is also right next to this big marsh. (no alligators here either). Can we say creepy place to go to at night?

I didn't even realize until after I was looking at the pictures that this statue was holding a rose. Very romantic, but not in the lovey dovey romantic way, if you know what I mean.



So I think this is the grave of a little girl named Gracie. This statue is supposed to look like her. I didn't know that until after I took the picture, but I really liked the statue. Too bad they don't make cemetaries like they used to.


Crooked view. It's artistic, okay? Actually I was trying to take pictures like a mad woman because I had only minutes to be able to take this place all in before we had to leave. Definitely going back there. Just probably not tomorrow.


This is what I'm talking about the greeness! That tree is about to overtake the lights. Awesome.


One night one of the members and I had fun doing these "light painting" photos. This one is kind of dark, I have a better one. Just letting you know. But it was fun. What you do is leave your shutter open for like 30 seconds on a tripod and then move lights around. The fire is flashlight. Then you quickly stay still (oxymoron?) and we had the motion detector light go off so you could see me in the tent. And I was eaten alive by mosquitoes. It was worth it. Lynnae, the woman that did it with me, she was able to "draw" a fire, and her holding a stick with a marshmellow over that she also drew. It was sweet.


I had to include at least one from the wedding. This is Amanda- she was one of those awesome members in Georgia. It's one of the main reasons I went down-was for her wedding because she will then be moving to Maryland! But her parents were like our adoptive parents on the mission. I even call her dad Poppi, and even forgot what his first name even was. It was a great fun time. Especially dancing. I love dancing at weddings. Or I should say, I love going crazy. The rest is up for your interpertation. Let's just say some certain readers know my particular dancing style...


This shot I got while someone lit a little box of matches on fire. I was moving my camera around to get some cool light effects, and just so happened that they showed up clear in the background.



I leave this one for last. I guess you could say that this is my "I have to go back to Rexburg, Idaho?" face. It doesn't even really capture how much Imiss Georgia already again. You. Don't. Even. Know. There were obviously a lot of other great people that we saw and a lot of great food that we had. So until next time, Georgia will be in my heart. (*Still trying to get it off my stomach...)

The Movie Font

Oh the obsessions that come with the art world.
Watch This and you'll understand just a little more.

IHaveAProblem

OnceUponATimeMySpaceBarBroke.ThereWasALittleButton
UnderneathItThatITaughtMyselfHowToUseInsteadOfThe
ConvientSpaceBar.AndThenTheLittleButtonFellOff.So
ThereIsASensorUnderneathButIt'sLikeInStarWars
WhereLukeHasToHitTheTinyTargetOnTheDeathStar
ToAchieveTotalVictory.AndI'mNotEvenABigStarWar's
Fan.ItJustRelates.SoIGuessNowI'mStuckWithTyping
LikeTheyDidInTheOldDays,WhereCapitalLettersWere
InventedToShowTheStartingOfANewWord.
MakesYouAppreciateSpacesInBetween.AndDon'tGetMe
StartedOnAutoSpellCheck.ApparentlyThisLittleEntry
Isn'tInTheDictionaryAsOneWord.ThePriceToGetItAll
Fixed?$45.IThinkMore.SoUntilI'mDrivenCompletly
Insane,I'llJustHaveToWorkIt.ThisTrialDidGiveMe
Revelation.

There
Must
Be
Spaces
In
Heaven.

AndNoneInHell.

Installing a husband

I didn't write this, but still found it worthy for my blog.

INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition,Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5,and then installed undesirable programs such as

NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command:ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2,and do not forget to install the
Guilt 3.0 update.
If those applications work as designed,Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to
Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0,or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do,DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources..)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1..0.

In summary,Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
Cooking 3.0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!