Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Advice for the advice-less

Dear ElissaGator,
I just got up to school in a small town in the state OHADI* (names have been changed). I'll be graduating in two semesters but am just having such a hard time wanting to get into the whole school thing again. What should I do? -Apathetic Ann

Apathetic,
You sound like a loser. You obviously don't want to get into the whole school thing again because you probably have some sort of skin disease that makes people think they are seeing MJ's ghost walking. My advice to you would be to find a nice armadillo breeding farm and work as a sanitation officer there for the rest of your life. It's possible you'll find happiness. If not, maybe another syndicated help columnist can help, but I seriously doubt it. Good luck, not that you'll get any.

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