Wait For It

Dear Elissa Gator,
I really like this girl. She sits in front of me in my class. I love smelling her hair. I love when she turns around to see what time it is and I get a chance to see her smile. I love hearing her answer questions. I think she just may be the one, but I'm kind of a shy guy. What am I supposed to do? Remember, I really like her and don't want to mess this up. -Lovestruck Larry

Lars,
Great. You like a girl. Here's what you need to do: nothing. You sound like you have stalker potential. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you're a stalker (okay, so I'm being nice), but the whole "I love putting my nostril near her scalp to smell a shampoo that I could just as easily buy-" it just has creepy written all over it. Do society a favor and ask out a girl that you find unattractive, repulsive even. I'm serious. You'll then have an easier time not obessing over her; you won't be on Facebook 24:7 seeing what new quiz she's taken; you'll for sure never stand outside her window waiting for a glimpse of her; and finally you'll never get that eyes glazed over look that is so unfortunate when people think they've found "love". When you propose to this hideous girl because that's the only way she'll stop stalking you, you can send me a wedding announcement. You're welcome.