The Milk Story

I figured now is as good as time as any to tell you the milk story. Some of you have heard it, some of you haven't, but only I lived it.

I've had sleeping...issues... for awhile. Although they have gotten somewhat worse in my older age. But this sleep story takes place when I was a junior in high school.

I am the oldest of six children, so our house was/is pretty high on the decibel/activity chart. One day, my whole family was gone except me, so I decided to take a nap in the quiet solitude.

During the deep blissful state of REM, someone at the door was constantly ringing the doorbell. Being in a drunken like stupor, I answered the door to find a salesman. He was selling milk that would be delivered to your porch once a week (kind of like the old days, except the milk came in plastic not glass).

He asked if I was the lady in charge of the house. I told him I was (my logical thinking was that no one was home, therefore for the time being I was the lady in charge of the house). He then asked how many were in the family so he could calculate how much milk we needed. I told him there were 6 kids and two adults (which was true). He then looked at me amazed, put out his hand and said "may I shake the hand of the woman who looks so good for having six kids."

I shook his hand. I didn't correct him.

Before I knew it, I was signing up for 3 gallons of milk every 3 days. I even signed my mom's signature. It all happened so fast. He was a smooth salesman that had interrupted my nap. That's a bad combination.

When my parents returned home I told them about the incident, accidentally forgetting the part where I had signed my mom's name. They laughed and said I was crazy, especially because there is no way we drink that much milk that fast.

We forgot about the whole thing until the next Tuesday. At like 4:30 that morning my parents heard this thump at the door. They looked out the window and saw this random truck by our driveway. My dad, being the protector that he is, ran down the stairs, out the door, only to almost kill himself by tripping on 3 gallons of milk.

Then they saw the bill attached to the home delivered 3 gallons of milk. My parents weren't laughing anymore.

Six gallons of milk and many a phone battle later, my mom finally got it all taken care of.

Moral of the story: it's all fun and games to wake me up during the middle of a nap, just don't expect any sort of logical outcomes.