My Blog, 15 years from now

Let's face it folks, there are a plethora of very cute-puke-on-your-homemade-DIY-cardigan blogs. Women with families that look like they should be living in a catalog tell all about the fabulous lives they live - complete with coordinating Easter outfits; specially themed birthday parties for their three year old with hand calligraphied invitations; hand sewn fabric bunting holiday banners; photography skills, cooking skills, typography skills, sewing skills, and trophy wife skills; with just enough mishaps in their precious lives that they ensure their readers they are actually real people (and if you want links to these blogs, let me know. I have them all on my Google Reader).

It's true, I'm a follower of many of these blogs. I appreciate a lot of nice design and great DIY projects they feature. But because I have some sort of ingrained notion to go against the grain, don't expect my blog to be anything like that when/if I have my own little family. I think my posts would go along these lines:

Recipes:
"How to follow Krusteaz directions and still burn pancakes that are in completely boring circle shapes" 
"Sloppy Joes on stale buns"
"I'm too tired to make dinner find yourself something to eat Dinner Extraordinaire"
"Fancy guest dessert: store bought ice cream with chocolate sauce that has been expired for a month."

My Cute Kids:
Teaching them wrong names for things (i.e. salt is actually pepper, vice versa) so that when they get out in the real world they'll be blown away.
Christmas traditions of associating Santa driving a sleigh of alligators (Seriously. You better not pout).
Photos posted of them wearing haphazardly thrown on and mismatched clothes as their "Sunday Best."
Documentation of how many lice eggs I find on each of their sweet heads

Family Adventures:
Touring the morgue (I'm hoping Lindsey Lohan will still have community service hours there to give us a personal tour. I bet she will).
Going to Home Depot to buy rat traps
A nice picnic in the park (but after the park closes so we can play pinnacle with the bums and see who can run from the cops the fastest).

Etsy Shop:
I'd like to resell my kid's elementary school art projects and describe it as One of a Kind

Lifestyle:
How to organize your stuff so that the camera crew of the TV show Hoarders: Buried Alive can get some nice angle shots.

Exercising:
Sprinting to the stove to put out the fire after someone threw an ice cube into a pan of hot cooking oil.
Squatting to pick the pacifier out of the litter box and immediately placing in baby's mouth (after brushing off most of the kitty litter crystals, obviously).

Tutorials:
Displaying a garage sale find exactly how it looked when purchased
Vinyl wall decorating using colored plastic wrap leftover from Christmas cookie plates
Getting rid of telemarketers by pretending your husband just got done serving time for assault (I actually used this scenario once. True story). 

Party Themes:
White Trash and Luvin' It (including games like knocking your front teeth out)
Evil Clowns (might as well showcase them as they really are)
Cupcake Bonanza (fun surprises in each cupcake - like grandma's dentures or student loan bills (finder gets to pay the bill) ).

I almost wish I had kids now so I could start doing these awesome things just so I can blog about them later. I'm sure once I'm a mother I'll come up with even better ideas. Until then, I'm open to what you'd like to see in my blog 15 years from now.