Eat this Pie

Lesson learned when trying to be frugal and making your own illustrations: don't. It's far cheaper to just buy a stock illustration. Believe me. Unless, of course, that is your profession and you have a wacom tablet. The below illustration is something that yes, I created. The below illustration is something that took many moons and many moccasins to accomplish (thankfully, the Indian reservation doesn't know I've left). It is for a friend's blog, In The Kitchen Where I Belong (ITKWIB). She wanted a 50s retro woman. Here she is.

Yes, I know her face doesn't look quite right (she needs cheek bones and her mouth is wonky. Maybe womens' mouths were wonky back then anyway). Any other suggestions are welcome. And I will now be subscribing to istock.

Why I Read the Paper

Besides reading my scriptures, I am also a religious follower/reader of The Funnies a.k.a. The Comics. I think it may be the reason why I wanted to go into journalism in the first place. First I read the funnies, then I read the other news. Next to the funnies are the advice columns. They are ridiculous and stupid and give no sound advice That is why I started doing my own advice column on my blog, though I haven’t wrote a problem into myself for awhile. Ooops, what I meant to say: though I haven't answered problems written into me in awhile.  One day, there was this comic strip (not to be confused with prostitution, whore of the earth, or Jezzabell): 

Priceless.

And in case any of you were wondering; yes, I am still working on a total blog makeover. The current blog design is not my own, and for the next while my blog may appear to look like plastic surgery gone bad. One of these days there will be an audio bite of Ty Pennington from Extreme Home Makeover saying "Move that link!" Groaner. I'll think of something more fabulous.

My Mom. Can't Think of A Better Intro.

First, I decided I'm so embarrassed by my last post, that I needed to get a new one on here so that each time I open my blog I'm not blasted by...well whatever you want to call it. So what better way then to embarrass my own mother. Don't worry, there have been plenty of times when she's embarrassed me. And actually, both of us don't get embarrassed very easily (minus previous post).

When the movie about the Spice Girls came out (Spice World), my mom took a friend and me to go see it, purely to make fun of the movie (my friend and I didn't care too much for the group so we were down with going to make fun of them). In the movie during a dance seen, my mom got up and started dancing. In the theater. But I thought it was hilarious.

We have a family friend that is a cop and since he didn't work til later he would take his elementary school daughter to the bus stop in the morning, being the only dad there. One morning my mom showed up (the other bus moms didn't know her) dressed up in a robe, curlers in her hair and some blacked out teeth, holding my baby brother and yelled "Bobby, I can't believe you left me and lil' Billy here. What a scum bag you are!" She went on and on, horrifying him and the other bus moms. She's so cool.

She recently went to Washington D.C. and as we were looking through her pictures there was this one:

Me: "Mom, what are you doing in this picture?"
Mom: "Oh, that's Helen Keller so I'm pretending to be blind."
Me: "Right."

Dusty Eggs

I have been crushing hard on a certain semi-celebrity. This is Matt Bomer from USA's White Collar.

I'm not one to crush on celebrities. Maybe it's because my biological clock is ticking, my eggs are getting dusty and my body is telling me I need to find a man. I'm not sure why him. Well, despite that fact that he's ridiculously good looking. But he's waaaaaay out of my league, an actor who I'll never meet, and the final clincher, I'm pretty sure he's gay. (Apparently he's raising three kids with his partner Simon Hill, but there's not too much info about it out there). Hopefully now that I've posted this shameful admission (which I think has just demoted me back to teenage girl) I'll stop thinking about him altogether. But...probably not. Sigh.

Toll and a Troll

Just got done talking to my friend about career opportunities. She wants me to join the circus with her. If I were to join the circus we all know I'd be the "crazy sleeping lady" freak show. She said she'd be the bearded lady. The problem is, I don't know how to go about running away to join the circus. Brittany Spears had a circus, but I probably wouldn't want to join that freakish of a show. Then there is Barnum and Bailey, but they seem too main stream (as in "The Man" most likely is in charge).

"What about moving to Moab, Utah?" she said. Then I thought of the brilliant idea that we could make toll roads where people hike/dirtbike/whatever; they'd have to pay a toll before they could pass. Then she thought of the even more brillianter idea that we could have an ogre under the bridge that would charge even more. I agreed to be the ogre.

Moral of this post: next time you're down in Moab, take lots of money and ice cream to bribe the ogre who ran away from the circus (now there's an idea, running away from the circus instead of running to it).

Jump Around Jump Around Explanation

At our family reunion a month ago we have our annual Family Olympics. One of the events was the "long jump," although being the family we are, we changed the rules. Actually, we just wanted to see people get sand in their face (a big disgrace). And because I like documenting people getting sand in their face, I plumped myself in the sand and shot away. I put some of the best photos in a sequential layout, as shown in the post below (make it all one post you say, well I tried and the only conclusion I've come to is I don't like Blogger very much, and you're right Adrian, the colors are messed up. Sigh and ugh). Definitely click on the photos to get the larger picture (unfortunately, this larger picture won't show you the meaning of life).

Jump Around Jump Around

RUN

JUMP

TOUCH

SURF

DIVE

BREAK DANCE

If I Had Wings...

I have been researching the blogging world quite a bit lately. Reason being: I have become very discouraged with finding a job. And not just a job, but something that I might actually enjoy doing. You see, I graduated with a degree in art emphasizing in graphic design. But, the graphic design world that I've been introduced to gave me gross tastes in my mouth. So I've been trying to "figure out" what I want to do in my life. I'll spare all the boring details, but know that I've thought of many things, (including joining the Navy, but I don't think someone who fell asleep on watch during an attack would make it out of boot camp) but to no avail.

One such depressing afternoon led me to talk to my mother. She then had this brilliant and ingenious idea that I should become a professional blogger for businesses. This way, I'd be able to write, design and take pictures-three things which I love to do, but just didn't know how to combine them together. Now the hard part: finding businesses that will pay me to do all that. I probably wouldn't blog for the city's waste disposal center or an inspiring aspirin engraver. I was thinking business more along the creative side; i.e.: photographers, quilt shops, florists, painters of felines, etc. We figured if I had around 5 businesses sign onto my plan, I could actually start paying off my student loans, and perhaps save for a future pet alligator.

What I have found: wow. There is a lot more to blogging than I ever knew. It's intimidating and endless. It's creative and technical. It's not a plane or Superman. I don't know if I'm cut out of construction paper for this move. But I have the motivating factor that I don't want to become a substitute teacher for the rest of my life, even with a pet alligator. 

Design wise, here is a site that makes me gulp in awe and trepidation. The "Blog Fairy" designs blogs, and has an impressive portfolio to show for it.

I decided that to help my own pursuits, I need to blog more on my own blog. And probably do a complete design revamp. This means you may be subject to past pieces of creative writing I've done. There is the possibility that I may loose one of my fewer than 10 followers. But that's a risk I'm willing to take. Wish me luck, fellow bloggers, and any ideas are welcome; including how big an alligator pond for a residential neighborhood needs to be.

Eggo my Logo

A dear old friend from Georgia asked if I could help make a logo for her photography business. Of course I said "Heck Yes!" After much time of font browsing and logo brainstorming, I came up with this little baby (actually, I came up with a lot more, but this is the one she chose). Check out her new site with new logo! Weller Image Specialist