Sunday, January 16, 2011

After a long Hiatus, She's Baaaaack

Dear Elissagator,
You have not given any advice in a really long time. What is up with that? Do you feel incompetent in your advice giving skills? Or did you suffer a serious injury?
-Curious Cathy

Chatty Cathy,
You know, for this being an advice column and people writing in for the general purpose of getting advice, you sure don't know how to play this game. Your questions lack personal and moral dilemmas and in fact are almost a waste of my time answering them, if it weren't for the fact that I am a slave to my readers and so I must answer you.

To answer your questions, in order given:

1) What is up with that? None of your damn business.

2) Do you feel incompetent in your advice giving skills? Of course not. At times I may have felt incontinent (in regards to thoughts that form into spoken words from my mouth, not to be confused with bladder incontinence), but never incompetent. In fact, sometimes I feel so competent that I don't give advice, fearing that the over competenceness of it may result in incompetents. Two negatives make a positive. (But only three lefts make a right).

3) Or did you suffer a serious injury? If you call graduating from college to move home with the parental units and not being able to find a job a serious injury, then no, I have not suffered a serious injury. However, if you are of the mindset that numb feet caused by sitting on the john for too long after a particular bad bout of diarrhea would be considered a serious injury, then no, I have not suffered that either. I guess I have not suffered any serious injuries. Except the daily encounters with abnormally stupid people. Then yes, I would conclude that to be a repeating serious injury offender, to which my state of mind is on the verge of leaving the union.

You're welcome.

*Syndicated Editor's note: ElissaGator has taken the challenge to answer/give advice freely for the next 30 days. She would have done it for the next 365 days, had the thought of utter failure not demised her attempts. You may ask her any question about herself, or ask for any advice for yourself or in behalf of a loved/hated/neutrally-platonic one. 

This is day 1 of 30.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just to let you know this Georgia Peach thinks this is a valuable service you are providing ... You are obviously going to tell it like it is and not waste anytime throwing icecream on an otherwise good brownie(or an equally awful brownie) and all it "a la mode)