Blogging With the Cons

Dear ElissaGator,
I am starting my own blog, is their any tips you can give me to help achieve ultimate blog domination? 
-Blogging Brian

Boogers,
You're just now starting your own blog? You must have recently been released from prison after serving hard time. I know you probably didn't want the world to know you're an ex-con, but I can't be sorry for guessing the right answer either. I take it you'll be blogging about your time in the slammer. I think that will be a fabulous blog (I haven't read too many of those, and I think there is a need). Things you need to do to make your blog the envy of inmates prisons round:

1) A catchy name for you blog. It has to explain what your blog is about while not giving too much away. For example, My Time in Prison reeks of boringness. Try something along the lines of I Was Locked Up With the Cousin of the Guy I Accidentally Gunned Down or My Homie Ratted Me Out to Make a Deal with the DA. Things like that.

2) Figure out what the purpose of your blog is. The few ex-con blogs I do read all blog about the same thing: how horrible prison was. Find a direction that no one has done. I think it would be refreshing to read a blog about the food you had in prison, complete with recipes and photos. And make sure the titles are snappy: Gutted From the Naval Up Salmon, Bashed in the Yard Turkey, Riot Ready Rutabaga , etc.

3) One word: giveaways. Your audience will increase exponentially when they have a chance to win stuff. Give them stuff they won't be able to find on any other blogs. Like the original tool used by Tim Robbins to escape in Shawshank Redemption. Or an exact replica of a guard's uniform from a prison of their choice. I know people would just die to have their own personal electric chair; but refurbished, so that they could hook it up at home.

Well, good luck to you. And if you happen to blog about evidence that incriminates you and lands you back in the joint, think of it as more blogging material.

You're welcome.

*Syndicated Editor's note: ElissaGator has taken the challenge to answer/give advice freely for the next 30 days. She would have done it for the next 365 days, had the thought of utter failure not demised her attempts. You may ask her any question about herself, or ask for any advice for yourself or in behalf of a loved/hated/neutrally-platonic one. 

This is day 7 of 30.