Dear ElissaGator,
I have a good friend, but she has a bad odor problem. How do I tell her?
-Nose Plugging Nancy
Nosy Nan,
Guess what? I'm pretty sure she wrote into me last week about your acne problem, saying that it disgusted her to look at your face. Did you know that? Now that you do and it's on this national blog do you feel better or worse about yourself? Your friend is going to read this and automatically know that her best friend Nancy hates how she smells; and you just found out how you disgust her, so I guess you two are even. Maybe next time you find a genie in a bottle or run into Oprah you can ask to switch problems. That way you'll be writing in to say that you wasted a perfectly good wish. And what will I tell you then? Well, you haven't written in yet, so I'm not just going to be giving away free advice. Check out my day-after-Thanksgiving-day special. But maybe by then you'll maybe you'll have the problem solved. In my expert opinion (which is expert among experts), I think you'll be writing back in. Can't wait to hear from you.
You're welcome.
*Syndicated Editor's note: ElissaGator has taken the challenge to answer/give advice freely for the next 30 days. She would have done it for the next 365 days, had the thought of utter failure not demised her attempts. You may ask her any question about herself, or ask for any advice for yourself or in behalf of a loved/hated/neutrally-platonic one.
This is day 4 of 30.
2 comments:
These remind me of a skit that was on Nickelodeon's The Amanda Show with Amanda Bynes. It was called "Ask Ashley" and she would answer all of these nutty letters. One of my favorites was a letter from a boy who was upset that this mother made his PB&J sandwich with the jelly on the top rather than the peanut butter. Ashley got real mad and told the dummy to flip the stinkin' sandwich over.
or maybe it was on All That...
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