Ten Steps to Glory

Dear ElissaGator,
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three weeks. I am not really used to the single scene anymore. What should I do to make sure boys know that I am available again and ready to move on?
-Stranded and Single 


Standing,
Wow. That really sucks. My condolences to the death of your relationship. But mourning time is over. This ten-step-non-fail list will for sure let the male species know you are ready to dust your eggs off (or at least go on a first date).  


1) Create videos of yourself showcasing your best skills, then post them on YouTube. Have faith that they will go viral.


2) Say no to any parties where there are girls only. Only attend those where members of the opposite sex will be present (preferably in your age range). Tell your girlfriends that you'll have more time for them after your hunt is over and you've snagged a boyfriend. Your true friends will understand and support you.   


3) Register for eHarmony and take their relationship test so they can tell you there are not many matches. Don't ever actually pay for the service. 


4) Also register (remember, don't pay) for LDS Singles.com; and then run away as fast as you can.


5) Go through your contact list of male friends and text them personal questions about their life to make it seem like you're interested in them. The one/s that text back asking personal questions about your life are potential boyfriend material. 


6) Think about taking applications for boyfriends, but don't follow through because you'll attract the wrong kind of men. Unless that is the kind of man you're looking for. 


7) Set up a kissing both. Charge $5 for every kiss; $25 if you've never been kissed; $40 for men over 38. Contact the city about zoning laws. 


8) Wear a shirt that you got after donating blood that says "Are You My Type?" Wear this at construction sites or football games. 


9) Slyly let it out in any and all conversations that you're back on the single scene. For example, you're at the grocery store in the check out lane when the clerk asks if you found everything okay. Tell them: "No. I was only able to find this single apple. Too bad I couldn't make it a pear." Clerk then will most likely set you up on a blind date (hopefully not with a fruit).  


10) Have a friend create a face book page that points out your singleness. Invite all to join. Update regularly with statuses like "Man, Friday nights are so boring when you're home all alone. LOL." 


Let me know how it goes. And if following these rules helps you get your MRS degree, I fully expect a %12 cut of your wedding gifts. 


You're welcome. 


*ElissaGator cannot guarantee following these steps will result in getting a boyfriend. She can only guarantee that there will be a multitude of people aware of your singleness.  


*Syndicated Editor's note: ElissaGator has taken the challenge to answer/give advice freely for the next 30 days. She would have done it for the next 365 days, had the thought of utter failure not demised her attempts. She's dang proud she just made a week.You may ask her any question about herself, or ask for any advice for yourself or in behalf of a loved/hated/neutrally-platonic one. 

This is day 8 of 30.